I'm hoping that my message to a newspaper in Utah, in the heart of Mormonism will help me. There has to be people who can think clearly beyond what amounts to emotional extortion the LDS Church perpetrates on non-LDS people as it pertains to the weddings of their LDS children.

I had occasion to go to Salt Lake City last January to "attend" my daughters wedding. I didn't actually get to see it, so I have the word "attend" in quotation marks. I sat outside while people my daughter didn't know, or hardly knew go to go to the Temple.

This is the second time since September 2007 this has happened. My first daughter got married at age 19 in the San Diego Temple. I haven't seen those wedding pictures yet since I can't imagine I was able to hide the stress, the emotional pain and anger in my face. Those who got to attend looked away as they walked by me as they entered the temple.

I'm still not sure how my 23 years of service and sacrifice as their father exempts me from attending? Other than their mother, who's got better credentials than me? It really makes the idea of a "temple interview" seem ridiculous when you make that kind of comparison.

I suppose I could understand if my kids didn't want me to be there because I'd been some kind of ogre. But that's not the case. I was super dad! I guess a lot of that had to do with the family I grew up in. My mother died when I was 11. My father was an angry drunk. My stepmother was an abusive person in other ways. I left home when I was 15 or 16 and ended up joining the Church when I was 18. There was no mention of parents not being able to attend the weddings of their children when I was taught by those clean cut missionaries. When I finally got married and had a family I decided to go out of my way to be a good dad.

While at the Salt Lake Temple, I had to preoccupy myself and distract my mind from acknowledging the pain of the situation. I discovered from the matron that the SL Temple performs 30-35 weddings each Friday and Saturday. She was proud to point out that when school lets out the figure can jump to 60-65. On my way back to California, I changed planes in Phoenix. As our plane taxied on the runway, I noticed dozens of planes back to back waiting for their turn. It reminded me of the weddings at the temple one right after the other.

Have those running the Church ever thought about the terrible hurt they're causing people with this silly rule? There are 124 temples...even at 2 weddings a week...there's 12,000 weddings, add 3000 for the SL Temple...that's 15,000 weddings conservatively. I'm guessing, most of the people outside of Utah who are marrying in the Church are converts which means most of their parents don't get to attend the weddings of their kids. Add to that the extended family...aunts, uncles, grandparents...etc. After the incredible hassle and challenge it is to be a parent, then to not even have the opportunity to attend your childs weddings. In every other faith, attending a marriage isn't based upon worthiness.
What that means is hundreds of thousands of people are deeply offended every year by the Church.

On behalf of all the parents who's hearts are broken every year, President Monson, if you read this paper, if you really are a leader, it's time to do something about this. You're in a position to do something about this. This kind of disgusting, heartless practice isn't conducive with the image the Church tries to portray as being about marriage and family.

Not a threat, at least not yet. But to a person, everyone that finds out I've not been able to attend my kids weddings grimaces with anger. They find it incredulous. Some of my close friends actually start crying.

You have to know, the media will have a field day with this. No one outside the Church understands or thinks this is right. Many inside the Church are also hurt by this experience. It's time to get on the phone with God and come up with something different.

And if the Church hierarchy won't respond, I hope the good people of Utah will.

Lucky me. I've got 6 more unmarried children.

Your only mistake was joining the church of Joseph's myth. Family oriented my a@#!!

Life Rocks wrote:
I'm hoping that my message to a newspaper in Utah, in the heart of Mormonism will help me. There has to be people who can think clearly beyond what amounts to emotional extortion the LDS Church perpetrates on non-LDS people as it pertains to the weddings of their LDS children.

I had occasion to go to Salt Lake City last January to "attend" my daughters wedding. I didn't actually get to see it, so I have the word "attend" in quotation marks. I sat outside while people my daughter didn't know, or hardly knew go to go to the Temple.

This is the second time since September 2007 this has happened. My first daughter got married at age 19 in the San Diego Temple. I haven't seen those wedding pictures yet since I can't imagine I was able to hide the stress, the emotional pain and anger in my face. Those who got to attend looked away as they walked by me as they entered the temple.

I'm still not sure how my 23 years of service and sacrifice as their father exempts me from attending? Other than their mother, who's got better credentials than me? It really makes the idea of a "temple interview" seem ridiculous when you make that kind of comparison.

I suppose I could understand if my kids didn't want me to be there because I'd been some kind of ogre. But that's not the case. I was super dad! I guess a lot of that had to do with the family I grew up in. My mother died when I was 11. My father was an angry drunk. My stepmother was an abusive person in other ways. I left home when I was 15 or 16 and ended up joining the Church when I was 18. There was no mention of parents not being able to attend the weddings of their children when I was taught by those clean cut missionaries. When I finally got married and had a family I decided to go out of my way to be a good dad.

While at the Salt Lake Temple, I had to preoccupy myself and distract my mind from acknowledging the pain of the situation. I discovered from the matron that the SL Temple performs 30-35 weddings each Friday and Saturday. She was proud to point out that when school lets out the figure can jump to 60-65. On my way back to California, I changed planes in Phoenix. As our plane taxied on the runway, I noticed dozens of planes back to back waiting for their turn. It reminded me of the weddings at the temple one right after the other.

Have those running the Church ever thought about the terrible hurt they're causing people with this silly rule? There are 124 temples...even at 2 weddings a week...there's 12,000 weddings, add 3000 for the SL Temple...that's 15,000 weddings conservatively. I'm guessing, most of the people outside of Utah who are marrying in the Church are converts which means most of their parents don't get to attend the weddings of their kids. Add to that the extended family...aunts, uncles, grandparents...etc. After the incredible hassle and challenge it is to be a parent, then to not even have the opportunity to attend your childs weddings. In every other faith, attending a marriage isn't based upon worthiness.
What that means is hundreds of thousands of people are deeply offended every year by the Church.

On behalf of all the parents who's hearts are broken every year, President Monson, if you read this paper, if you really are a leader, it's time to do something about this. You're in a position to do something about this. This kind of disgusting, heartless practice isn't conducive with the image the Church tries to portray as being about marriage and family.

Not a threat, at least not yet. But to a person, everyone that finds out I've not been able to attend my kids weddings grimaces with anger. They find it incredulous. Some of my close friends actually start crying.

You have to know, the media will have a field day with this. No one outside the Church understands or thinks this is right. Many inside the Church are also hurt by this experience. It's time to get on the phone with God and come up with something different.

And if the Church hierarchy won't respond, I hope the good people of Utah will.

Lucky me. I've got 6 more unmarried children.



I'm sorry your letting this hurt you but I personally think you are looking at it the wrong way. Yes, it hurts you, but what you should be dwelling on is that your child made the decision to marry in a fashion that could not include certain people because of their commitments. Obviously your child is deeply committed to the LDS church if she pursued a "temple marriage"...so get over your hurt and put some of that "good dad" talk into practice and support her. This was her choice and I imagine it means a lot to her. Your anger at the LDS church is misguided.

You don't have to accept that of course, but if you are going to gripe on a public forum you can expect people to respond.

Life Rocks wrote:
I'm hoping that my message to a newspaper in Utah, in the heart of Mormonism will help me. There has to be people who can think clearly beyond what amounts to emotional extortion the LDS Church perpetrates on non-LDS people as it pertains to the weddings of their LDS children.

I had occasion to go to Salt Lake City last January to "attend" my daughters wedding. I didn't actually get to see it, so I have the word "attend" in quotation marks. I sat outside while people my daughter didn't know, or hardly knew go to go to the Temple.

This is the second time since September 2007 this has happened. My first daughter got married at age 19 in the San Diego Temple. I haven't seen those wedding pictures yet since I can't imagine I was able to hide the stress, the emotional pain and anger in my face. Those who got to attend looked away as they walked by me as they entered the temple.

I'm still not sure how my 23 years of service and sacrifice as their father exempts me from attending? Other than their mother, who's got better credentials than me? It really makes the idea of a "temple interview" seem ridiculous when you make that kind of comparison.

I suppose I could understand if my kids didn't want me to be there because I'd been some kind of ogre. But that's not the case. I was super dad! I guess a lot of that had to do with the family I grew up in. My mother died when I was 11. My father was an angry drunk. My stepmother was an abusive person in other ways. I left home when I was 15 or 16 and ended up joining the Church when I was 18. There was no mention of parents not being able to attend the weddings of their children when I was taught by those clean cut missionaries. When I finally got married and had a family I decided to go out of my way to be a good dad.

While at the Salt Lake Temple, I had to preoccupy myself and distract my mind from acknowledging the pain of the situation. I discovered from the matron that the SL Temple performs 30-35 weddings each Friday and Saturday. She was proud to point out that when school lets out the figure can jump to 60-65. On my way back to California, I changed planes in Phoenix. As our plane taxied on the runway, I noticed dozens of planes back to back waiting for their turn. It reminded me of the weddings at the temple one right after the other.

Have those running the Church ever thought about the terrible hurt they're causing people with this silly rule? There are 124 temples...even at 2 weddings a week...there's 12,000 weddings, add 3000 for the SL Temple...that's 15,000 weddings conservatively. I'm guessing, most of the people outside of Utah who are marrying in the Church are converts which means most of their parents don't get to attend the weddings of their kids. Add to that the extended family...aunts, uncles, grandparents...etc. After the incredible hassle and challenge it is to be a parent, then to not even have the opportunity to attend your childs weddings. In every other faith, attending a marriage isn't based upon worthiness.
What that means is hundreds of thousands of people are deeply offended every year by the Church.

On behalf of all the parents who's hearts are broken every year, President Monson, if you read this paper, if you really are a leader, it's time to do something about this. You're in a position to do something about this. This kind of disgusting, heartless practice isn't conducive with the image the Church tries to portray as being about marriage and family.

Not a threat, at least not yet. But to a person, everyone that finds out I've not been able to attend my kids weddings grimaces with anger. They find it incredulous. Some of my close friends actually start crying.

You have to know, the media will have a field day with this. No one outside the Church understands or thinks this is right. Many inside the Church are also hurt by this experience. It's time to get on the phone with God and come up with something different.

And if the Church hierarchy won't respond, I hope the good people of Utah will.

Lucky me. I've got 6 more unmarried children.



It would be best if you are able to get some unbiased professional help. There's no need to have the feelings you do. Venting here or to anyone else doesn't resolve anything. You sound like you truly love your children, this has got to have an effect on your relationship with them. They are what matters the most.

Are you an active LDS?

Not an easy thing to go through, and I have always, even when I was active LDS, thought the stance odd. In fact, I find it very perplexing for a Church that likes to extol itself as pro-family, etc. The Church gives conditional use recommends (not sure if that is the name, but it is the purpose) to youth in order to perform baptisms for the dead, otherwise they could not get in. So, it could be done regarding weddings, which makes one wonder if something else is the real motive, like....

money, aka tithing. Yes, money talks.

That said, I think your children have a say as well. They could simply do a civil wedding and do the Temple thing in a year, and I believe if more did that, the Church's stance might change. The Church frowns on that, but tough. Let 'em frown. So, go ahead and blame the Church if it makes you feel better, but realize that your kids are complicit in it.