Normally, the only indication of domestic violence awareness month Utah County residents get is the signs planted on the Provo City Public Library's front lawn.

But county residents got a more potent reminder than the 600-plus signs symbolizing restraining orders issued in local domestic violence cases. Instead it was a shotgun blast that killed an Orem mother of two Oct. 16.

Tonja Marie Nash was killed when her live-in boyfriend, Keith L. Morton, shot her in the back. It wasn't the first violent dispute between the couple. In November 2005, police responded to a domestic violence call where Morton allegedly tried to strangle Nash.

Nash's death was a potent reminder that all is not well here. Even though we profess high family values, the fact that more than 600 people sought court orders to end abuse at the hands of a spouse or lover shows that more needs to be done than just talk.

Bear in mind, those signs only represent the ones who had the courage to seek help to end the abuse. In 2004, the state's Commission on Criminal and Juvenile Justice found that nearly three-quarters of domestic violence victims did not go to the authorities. Applying that figure to Utah County, nearly 2,000 people are not seeking help for abuse.

Granted, things are better than they were in the not-so-distant past, when domestic violence was considered merely a private matter and police would advise the victims to treat their husbands better to avoid another fight. Today, police can file charges against abusers even if their victim refuses, and the courts are taking pleas for protective orders seriously.

But there is still more that can be done. But it requires the entire community to stand up and say domestic violence is unacceptable. It is not just the province of the police and religious groups to wage this war.

Too often, people are aware of trouble in the house next door, but they tend to look the other way, thinking that it is none of their business or that they may get in trouble themselves for interfering. But it that kind of climate that allows abuse to thrive.

If we see potential problems, we shouldn't be afraid to intervene somehow, either by calling the police if a fight's going on or just offering the victim our emotional support. A victim may be more willing to seek help if she knows there are people willing to help her get to it and not try to blame her for her predicament.

We also need to make sure our children are taught at an early age that domestic violence is unacceptable. Unfortunately, abuse is a learned behavior; parents transmit it to their children by example. We can punish abusers all we want, but if we fail to teach children that abuse is wrong, domestic violence will continue.

It wouldn't take much to add a module to the D.A.R.E. program dealing with domestic violence and encouraging children to call for help if it happens in their homes. Such training could help break the abuse cycle by stressing that violence is not an acceptable way of resolving disputes at home.

It shouldn't take a woman being killed in front of her children to remind us that domestic violence is a problem we need to address as a community.