Overheard Monday night at a Utah business that serves alcoholic beverages:

"Yes, indeed. It's my first trip to Utah, and I wanted to see the sights."

"I hope you're enjoying your visit."

"Oh, it's been wonderful. Of course, I've heard that Utah has some ... uh ... unusual traits. But everything has been great so far."

"I'm glad to hear it. And have you filled out your membership application?"

"My what?"

"This is a private club."

"It sure looks like a bar. So I have to pay to get inside a business so I can spend money? Sounds like getting permission from the hall monitor to visit the bathroom. I've been all over the United States, and there's no place that has rules like this."

"Utah is a little unusual."

"Oh, well. Can I get a good strong drink?"

"Well, stronger, anyway. Until Monday, you could only get a drink with an ounce of liquor in it. People would order what we call a 'sidecar.' That's a shot of liquor in a separate glass along with the regular drink to give it more punch."

"Wait a minute, that's crazy! ... I mean unusual. What difference does it make whether it's in the drink or in a shot glass on the side?"

"Don't make me explain. That's history now. Now you can get a drink with 1.5 ounces of liquor."

"That's still weak where I come from. Can't you splash a little more in?

"Sorry. Here, let me get my book."

"Your bartenders guide?"

"No, it's something more important to Utah bartenders: the Utah Code. Here we go: 'A private club licensee may sell or provide a primary spirituous liquor only in a quantity not to exceed 1.5 ounces per beverage dispensed through a calibrated metered dispensing system approved by the department in accordance with commission rules.' So, no, I can't make you a stronger one. I can only add more liquor if it's 'used as a secondary flavoring ingredient.' See, it's right here in the law."

"OK, now we're getting somewhere. I'd like a Mai Tai."

"Well, if you want. But I can't recommend it."

"Why not?"

"Because the new law says that 'a private club patron may have no more than 2.5 ounces of spirituous liquor at a time before the private club patron.' That makes a Mai Tai pretty darned sweet."

"I might as well go down to the supermarket and get one of those alco-pops."

"You can, but not for long. In the fall, they'll be sold only at a state liquor store."

"A state liquor store? Is that like a state motor vehicle office?"

"Actually, these days the motor vehicle office has more options and better service."

"This is getting too confusing. Just get me a margarita and a shot of tequila as a sidecar. I'm going to need it."

"Sorry, sir. See, it's right here in the law: 'A private club patron may have no more than two spirituous liquor drinks at a time before the private club patron, except that a private club patron may not have two spirituous liquor drinks before the private club patron if one of the spirituous liquor drinks consists only of the primary spirituous liquor for the other spirituous liquor drink.' "

"What does that mean?!"

"A margarita is made with tequila, so you can't have a tequila sidecar. But I CAN serve you a sidecar of schnapps, or bourbon, or anything else with your margarita, just not tequila."

"Good stinking grief!"

"Yeah, that about sums it up."

"Isn't a law that stupid tough on you bartenders."

"Sure is. Now I have to keep track of what each customer is drinking and check it against the Utah Code before I can serve anything else. That's why I'm going to law school. I expect there's going to be a high demand for bartenders with law degrees."

"That's it! I'm out of here!"

"But, sir, your drink!"

"You take it. You need it more than I do!"