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When the chickens in the hen house are more interesting than the girls in the farm house, you know your TV show is doomed.
That appears to be the case for "Farmer Wants a Wife," a bland new reality series from The CW that blends "The Bachelor" with "The Simple Life" in a failed attempt to produce lots of fish-out-of-water merriment.
Meet Mat Neustadt, a reed-thin, but rock-hard country boy who apparently has hit a romantic dead-end in his town of Portage des Sioux, Mo., Pop. 351. Now he wants to try his hand with some city gals and the show provides its own form of farm aid by rounding up 10 prissy airheads to vie for his affection.
Right from the start the women learn that this is no glammed-up fairy tale. Instead of being whisked to their destination in a sleek limo, they're driven in a school bus by some Joe Six-Pack guy. Instead of being rewarded with a rose, they get a chicken egg.
Subtle, this show is not.
Of course, along the way we're bombarded with the standard "Green Acres"-like humor. One girl becomes horrified when she plants her fancy-schmantzy high heels into a cow pie. Another worries that a rooster will peck her eyes out (at least that would be interesting).
The producers, no doubt sensing that they've got a dud on their hands, attempt to boost the wow factor with lots of scenes featuring a tan and chiseled Matt without a shirt. Yes, he makes for nice eye candy and he's certainly charming enough in a good ol' boy sort of way. But, again, he's just not very compelling.
At times it's difficult to tell if the show is so boring because the setup and scenarios feel obvious, or because the 10 women, for the most part, come across as shallow and witless.
"Farmer Wants a Wife" is different from most unscripted series in one key way: It has no host. My guess is it had one to start with, but he or she probably took one look at this sorry bunch and quickly flew the coop.
Chuck Barney
Contra Costa Times
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