Daily Herald | Posted: Saturday, October 4, 2008 11:00 pm
Everyone I know is either thinking about sex or having it, and I'm so worried I'll be made fun of if I don't start doing things. I haven't done anything yet. What should I do? -- Stephanie, 15, Antioch, Ill.
It's common and understandable to be influenced by your friends -- but it can be stressful, frustrating and overwhelming when they're doing stuff you're not into. You feel left out, out of the loop or like you're falling behind. But here's the deal, Stephanie: You will regret sex if you do it when you're not ready. Sex is a huge emotional and physical commitment, so you need to make the decision for yourself. That doesn't mean you can't keep your friends: When they talk about their new experiences, be a good listener and ask thoughtful questions, while still being firm about your stance. By taking an interest in their lives, your friends will know your opinion has nothing to do with judging them -- and that you can all still be close without anyone feeling self-conscious or defensive. (Psst: You don't have to say anything about what you do with boys. If someone asks, just say, "I don't kiss and tell.") But if you find that your friends are pressuring you into doing stuff because they are doing it, this is not OK. If this happens, start to look for some new friends. You deserve friends who respect your decisions, even if your decisions are different from theirs. And Stephanie, when you meet the right person and carefully decide you are ready, you'll both be so thankful you waited.
My day is so packed! How do I make room for everything without getting too stressed? -- Marissa, 15, Provo, Utah
First, get a calendar organizer and plan your days hour by hour. You'll be in school until the afternoon, so block off that time to concentrate only on school. (During your free time in classes, try working on homework to get that out of the way early.) If you're in clubs and activities that take up your afternoons, decide when you really need to go to meetings, and prioritize your other commitments from there. For example, if you need to study for your biology test, it's probably OK to skip fashion club once! You also need to schedule time to unwind: Doing so might seem strange (scheduling time to relax?!?), but it will keep you from burning out and deter you from procrastinating. (If you know you have relaxation to look forward to as a "reward" for getting your work done, you'll want to do whatever it takes to reach that relaxation time!) So on your calendar, block off 8 p.m. until the time you go to sleep. That will be your chance to watch your favorite TV shows, hang out with your family, read, talk on the phone, whatever. And if you ever start to feel really stressed and overwhelmed, you should talk to your guidance counselor about how to prioritize and balance your obligations.
Homecoming is coming up, and I want this guy to ask me to go with him! I don't want to ask him myself, so what hints can I give him to let him know casually that I want him to invite me? -- Stephanie, 19, Seattle
Dropping subtle hints about homecoming (i.e., asking him, "Are you excited about the dance?") will get his mind on it but won't guarantee him asking you out. So it's up to you to let him know that you'd love to go with him by making those subtle hints a little more forward.
The next time you're with him, say: "Have you asked anyone to homecoming yet? I'd love to go if someone fun asks me!" You're not blatantly asking him out, but he'll get the point. And hopefully he'll take the cue to be that guy. If he doesn't follow through or tells you he wants to ask someone else, it's time to move on!
Questions may be sent directly to Seventeen magazine at: dearseventeen@hearst.com. Seventeen is today's best-selling magazine for young women, reaching more than 13 million readers every month.