KATE MCNEIL - Daily Herald | Posted: Monday, January 22, 2007 11:00 pm
His wife's daily planner, his daughter's bow, his son's highlighted scriptures, a cup any of them drank from -- nearly a month after Gary Ceran lost his wife, daughter and son in a fatal car crash, the 45-year-old father is gathering mementos of his loved ones and still holding back tears.
"Every one will set you off at any given moment," he said. "We're trying to put the house into a condition where we can move forward without being tortured every day. The very day I came home from the hospital I walked in and Julie's nightgown was on the counter in the bathroom. On the fridge was a photo of Clarissa and Julie. Everywhere you turned it was that way."
The Cedar Hills family was tragically split on Christmas Eve, when an alleged drunk driver broadsided their Mercury Sable, killing their mother, Cheryl, and two of her children, 15-year-old Ian and 7-year-old Julianna.
Gary says he is "dumbfounded" by the outpouring of love people have shown his family, feeling "awkward" to be on the receiving end. Beyond the countless meals, letters and hugs the Ceran family has received, more than $30,000 was raised from benefit performances of "See How They Run" at the Hale Center Theatre. Last Thursday's "CeranAid" benefit concert raked in $36,000 for the family's funeral and medical costs. And a Zions bank account is still accepting donations for the family as well.
"The amount of stress I've been able to avoid is tremendous," he said of the fundraising.
Gary has spent all of January going through the clothing, journals, photos and stuffed animals of his lost family members.
Some keepsakes have been stored away in Rubbermaid boxes. Others are displayed prominently to remember their presence, such as Julianna's Crayola drawings of, ironically, her, Ian and Cheryl, amidst butterflies and sunshine.
Perhaps the item most significant, Gary said, is Ian's statue of a knight. The small figurine depicts a knight holding a banner, down on one knee, with three arrows through his chest.
"Those three arrows could certainly be symbolic," he said, referring to Cheryl, Ian and Julianna. "Some people might look at it and think that the knight is falling. I've always looked at it as if he's about to stand up again. You have to endure pain, get up, carry the banner and keep on marching. The battle keeps going on."
Gary also said it wasn't a coincidence that, before dying, Ian had earmarked Alma chapter 40 in his Book of Mormon -- a chapter outlining man's resurrection.
Gary is mostly concerned with the well-being of his other children, Clarissa and Caleb, these days.
Caleb, who suffered a broken pelvis and ribs, is now walking without a limp and gets through the day with dry eyes.
"I grilled him quite a bit the other day," Gary said. "We tried talking about difficult things and I tried to get a sense if it had sunken in yet. I would always end up crying and he wouldn't. I told Caleb, one of us is acting like a 45-year-old and one of us is acting like he barely turned 13."
About a week and a half ago, reality sunk in for Clarissa, Gary said. A dance major at Brigham Young University, Clarissa did not make the folk dance team because of weak ankles from the accident.
Gary said she will walk across campus and dial her mother's cell phone out of habit to tell her about her day.
"I think she's slowly coming to grips with it," Gary said.
Gary said the family's faith sustains them on dark days like these.
"Frankly I have absolutely no idea how people deal with things like this if they don't have that kind of a belief or perspective," he said. "It brings us such tremendous peace to know where they are."
"People will sometimes talk about us as if we've done some special thing," he said. "If anything I feel like a super hero action figure. And God is the 4-year-old holding it and moving it around. I'm not doing anything. I'm basically just surviving."
What's more, of the eight family members Gary has had to bury -- three from the car crash, three toddlers from a genetic defeat, and premature twins -- six were under the age of eight. According to LDS beliefs, children who die before the "age of accountability" gain automatic exaltation.
"Basically all of them have made it," Gary said.
Gary said to extend 10 million thank yous and 10 million I love yous to well-wishers, whether he knows them or not.
"If you're impressed that we're doing well, it's because of the faith that we have that strengthens us," he said.
Later, he quoted Alma 26:12 as a way to explain how he feels: "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."
Kate McNeil can be reached at 344-2549 or kmcneil@heraldextra.com.
This story appeared in The Daily Herald on page A1.