For Monica English of Orem and her 12-year-old daughter, it happened on the way to school.

Over the radio came a brief mention of the controversy surrounding the now-infamous remarks made by Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, on Feb. 12 during a debate about school district equalization: "This baby is black. ... It is a dark, ugly thing."

"Why would he say that?" English's daughter asked, genuinely confused.

This year's legislative session has now come to a close, and Buttars has repeatedly apologized, saying his remarks were not racial. But for ethnic and transracial families in Utah, Buttars's comments are just the tip of an iceberg confronting an increasingly diverse population -- how to prepare children of color for life as a racial minority.

English said that by and large, most people are kind and curious about the two children her family has adopted from Zambia, ages 4 and 1. But that doesn't mean her family hasn't faced many difficult moments, big and small.

"My kids have to be thick-skinned," she said. "Many people don't understand why maybe we don't want everyone in the grocery store walking up to rub my son's head to see what his hair feels like."

Family members ask in front of her children whether her children have been shunned or accepted in school and at church, she said. Some people condemn her adopted children's birth parents, again speaking in front of her children, for giving up the children in the first place.

And most frequent and difficult of all are the many people who ask, "Which are really yours?" she said. "That is what I get more than anything else. I say they are all mine, it's just that some came by birth and some by airplane."

The Caucasian siblings of adopted children can sometimes face more racism than the adopted children themselves, English said. The sibling of a friend's family was recently called a "nigger-lover" in school because of an adopted black sibling, she said. She has used that moment to coach her own children about what they would do in similar situations, telling her children that racist language is not okay and to seek a school authority for help.

Paul and Kathleen Sorensen of Orem have several adopted black children and are long-time friends of Chris Buttars. They know from personal experience that Buttars is not a racist, Paul Sorensen said, and have talked about the issue quite a bit in their home, assuring their adopted 17-year-old son in particular that Buttars' comments have been taken out of context by the media.

Their naturally taciturn son has not asked any questions or expressed any feelings about the controversy, but the family has friends in the black community who have been "very upset" about Buttars comments, Sorensen said. Recognizing the need to communicate about the issue, he said he intended to spend some one-on-one time with his son this weekend to discuss how his son may be affected by the statewide dialogue, among other issues in his son's life.

As a member of the Saratoga Springs City Council, Mia Love is one of the few black community leaders in Utah County. She said that Buttars' comments represented a "crossroads" in her relationship with her second-grade daughter.

Love said she does not believe her daughter has been aware of any of the conversation following Buttars' comments but wondered if she should ask to make sure. If she asks her daughter whether she has heard anything at school and the answer is, "No," then Love wonders whether her question would do more harm than good.

As her daughter grows older, she will need to prepare her to deal with any future issues of racism, Love said.

"I'm kind [of] at a crossroads in terms of trying to decide whether I want to say something or prepare them [her children] for different things," Love said, noting she does not believe her daughter has ever been confronted in a negative way about her race. "The kids have it right. It's usually the parents that screw them up."

Love said her work as a parent in this regard is made harder by the fact that being black in Utah can be isolating.

"I'm the only one in a position like this [among my friends], she said, noting that white people don't have to worry about preparing their children for discrimination and are often loath to talk about the issue because it makes everyone uncomfortable.

"I want her to be prepared," Love said of her daughter. "I think she will run into things."

Love said that what every household in Utah and indeed the nation should be teaching "is to be kind and respectful of everyone. Skin color is not different than the color of hair or eyes. It is just a characteristic."

In the end, if her daughter was aware of Buttars' comments, Love said she would teach her daughter that "those are his issues and not ours."

Lorna Hall of Santaquin has two adopted black sons, ages 12 and 4. She too worried that bringing up the topic of Buttar's comments could do more harm than good.

Hall said she was satisfied by Buttars' apology for his comments and felt the issue had been blown out of proportion by the media.

"I don't want to have to address every little thing," she said, noting she does not believe her sons are even aware of the statewide political conversation that has dominated the news.

"If I need to defend my sons, trust me, I will," she said, noting that she did not believe Buttars' comments merited the fuss they have elicited.