More than three-fourths of people avoid discussing politics with friends and family because they fear the conversations could become too emotional, according to a new survey by Utah County researchers.

Nearly half of the 614 respondents said they've had a "bad experience" when discussing politics in the past, according to the survey by Provo-based VitalSmarts. And one in 10 said they would avoid political talk at all costs.

Researcher Kerry Patterson said that wasn't always the case, but discourse among politicians and media personalities has set a "gotcha" model for discussion that scares many people away.

"People begin to sort of equate political discussion with harsh debate and tactless attacks," said Patterson, who co-authored the New York Times bestseller "Crucial Conversations" with his VitalSmarts colleagues. "We've gone from a healthy discussion to, I think, an unhealthy debate."

Patterson said the survey's respondents were from all over the world, but he suspects the numbers would be even higher among locals.

"My experience in Utah is, we're much less likely to disagree openly in public," he said.

Because of the sample size, the survey has a 4-percent margin of error.

Patterson offered several suggestions for good political conversation:

• Look for areas of agreement. Let the other person know you share common goals, even if your preferred tactics for achieving them differ.

• Avoid personal attacks. While you don't have to agree with the other person's view, you can still acknowledge their view is valid, rather than "idiotic" or "evil."

• Focus on facts and be tentative. Consider the source of your facts, and ask the other person to do the same. Ask two questions: Could the facts be biased? Could they be interpreted differently?

• Look for signs of disagreement. If the other person grows quiet or starts to become defensive, reinforce your respect and remind him or her of the broader purpose you both share.

More information about the survey is available at www.vitalsmarts.com.

• Ace Stryker can be reached at 344-2556 or astryker@heraldextra.com.