Thank goodness the energy crisis has been solved.

Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama said that if Americans correctly inflated their car tires, they "could save all the oil that they're talking about getting off drilling."

A few churlish people, such as Anne Mathias, an analyst for the Stanford Group, dared to suggest that, "Unless everybody in the country is driving a 1969 Chevy Impala or something like that with the tires at half inflation, you're not going to realize as much savings as he's talking about."

Careful, Anne. It's silly, and even offensive, for anyone to question such pronouncements. If Barack Obama says it, it must be true.

And why stop there? There's no need for us to develop our abundant energy resources. It's easy to imagine life in America under President Obama . . .

People from Wyoming to Maine would save us tons of energy by shutting off their furnaces in the winter. If they wear enough sweaters and keep moving, only a relatively small number will suffer hypothermia.

Here in Utah, we could do the same by shutting off the air conditioning in summer. Everyone will be fine in midday in July in Utah Valley, as long as they lie on a concrete floor and don't move.

We may lose a few folks in Phoenix and Las Vegas when the mercury hits 110 or 115. But that's a small price to pay to ensure that Alaskan caribou won't see a distant oil rig in the vast flats of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

For recreation, families could save energy by turning off the TV and playing Scrabble -- by candlelight. Millions of dark TVs will save perhaps billions of kilowatts. That may seem a bit dull, but it will be worth it so that Hollywood liberals can gaze out the windows of their Malibu beach homes and not be disturbed by the thought of an oil rig miles beyond sight over the horizon.

Americans in all of suburbia could scrap motorized lawnmowers. If only they'd get push mowers, millions of barrels of oil could be saved each year. Or better yet, import some of those neglected caribou, and let them graze in the yard. (A federal agency will, however, have to address the crisis caused by the increased greenhouse gases emitted by the caribou.)

Think how much energy would be saved if every worker rode a bicycle to work -- on properly inflated tires. Interstate 15 could be turned into a bikeway to save gasoline. Those commuting from Utah County to Salt Lake City would soon be in great shape! Those expiring from heart attacks or just plain exhaustion would be comforted by the thought of rendering nuclear power plants unnecessary.

Of course, Utah is a pioneer in a real energy-saving idea: the four-day work week for state workers. Energy use could be cut 25 percent by moving to a three-day week. Then could be cut another 33 percent by going to a two-day week. Fifty-percent savings would result from a move to a one-day week. And then, going to a no-day work week would result in infinite savings!

Now, it's plain why people run for president: It allows them to use statistics and their imagination to do wonderful things.

Under Obama's vision, bureaucrats from the Federal Administration for Tire Pressure Inflation and Gauges would fan out across the country seeking those unpatriotic motorists who put too much or too little air in their tires.

Agents from the U.S. Bureau of Darkness would cruise the streets at night, looking for scofflaws who might dare to turn on the lights. The Bureau for Bicycles and Skateboards would subsidize the purchase of such vehicles, plus roller blades, unicycles, canoes and every other form of transportation that can't and never will transport large numbers of people efficiently over long distances, but which save incredible amounts of energy when used.

Barack Obama's whole career shows how easy it is to create something out of thin air, and so it's no surprise that he's solved the energy crisis. Who are we to doubt him?

So keep your tires inflated properly, America, if only so that Obama won't accuse you of being a Republican.

Do you agree?