Judging by 2007, we couldn't help thinking that some local New Year's resolutions might look like this:

• Provo Municipal Council members: "This year, I resolve to look ahead. I've got a daily planner right here. Let's see, I'll put down the first council meeting. Then the Fourth of July parade. Then the last council meeting, Dec. 16. On that day, we'll find a troublesome problem to address at the last minute that will make city workers mad as we spend millions of taxpayer dollars. There, now I'm ready for 2008!"

• EnergySolutions executive: "I resolve to bring more nuclear waste to Utah. Why not add some international flavor and haul some in from Italy, and then -- why notfi -- the rest of Europe and Asiafi Heck, Utah's got a zillion acres of land with nothing but snow-capped mountains, red deserts, glorious vistas and awesome rock formations you can't see anywhere else. All it really needs is some radioactive dust and debris from halfway around the world to ice the cake."

• BYU officials: "We really can't have students speaking their minds on campus. People will think we're Berkeley without the coffee shops. So we resolve to amend the dress and grooming standards. Registering freshmen will place a piece of duct tape over their mouths, to be removed only after graduation. And -- Oh, yes -- we're going to require that male students have hair. When we said that a man is expected to be clean-shaven, we didn't mean his whole head! Darn those kids, always trying to make us real adults uncomfortable. Shaved craniums are worse than beards. The new standard will read: 'BYU-approved bowls are to be worn on the head for all men's haircuts.' "

• Marie Osmond: "I did so well on Dancing With the Stars, I'm going to audition for other reality shows. Do you think they'll ever do Survivor: Utahfi Oh, dear, I'm feeling a little light-headed. ..."

• Orem police officer: "I resolve to be more attentive to really important things, like making sure that in a desert during a heat wave everyone's front lawn looks like Augusta National Golf Club. And I resolve to assist the elderly. After all, they need more drama in their lives. It's amazing the kind of acquaintances they'll be able to make in jail. You let a 70-year-old woman get uppity, and pretty soon you've got the AARP running wild in the streets."

• Eagle Mountain politicians: "I resolve to help local organizations such as the Girl Scouts. If they want to use City Hall, I'll point them to the cleaning supplies so they can tidy up after themselves. And this year, no phony political ads. Or if I make one, I won't use a computer that can be traced back to my supporters."

• Lehi officials: "I'm not going to become irked with those upstart towns west of us that were nothing but wide spots in the road a few years ago. So what if they want to run a freeway through the middle of Lehifi We won't retaliate. In fact, we're going to make our public facilities free to more people, like parents with small babies in diapers. There was a big fuss over diapers in public pools. So we're going to welcome those folks and their diaper-clad offspring to use our pool -- on the same day we invite everyone in Saratoga Springs to come over for a dip."