Americana: Celebrate! It’s national fill-in-the-blank-day! 01

Yep, there's a day for that.

If you’re looking for an excuse to celebrate, there are plenty of official and not-so-official days designated. The last Saturday in September is National Good Neighbor Day. We should be able to wring a plate of cookies or a fresh loaf of bread out of that. But if that fails, the 4th Monday in September is National Family Day. Aww, come on, Mom, it’s not supposed to be celebrated by weeding the yard.

Sept. 11 was declared Patriot’s Day by President George W. Bush with the first official Patriot’s Day celebrated in 2002. It is also Emergency Number day.

Child Health Day falls on the first Monday of October, just as the mountains of Halloween candy hit the supermarket shelves in preparation of the end of the month.

Oct. 6 is German American Day, so grill the Bratwursts next week. But grill carefully, since Oct. 16 is National White Cane Safety Day.

Then there are battling commemorations. The second Monday in October is officially Columbus Day, but Oct. 9 is officially Leif Erikson Day. By having Leif Erikson day fixed on a date and Columbus’ day set on a day of the week, most of the time, Leif Erikson Day comes first, just as the man himself beat his Italian competition by almost five centuries.

You might call Nov. 15 a super holiday, since it boasts two official designations. It’s National America Recycles Day and Philanthropy Day. Traditional celebrations must include eating leftovers and giving away the money you saved.

Another cleverly paired set of official holidays include Bill of Rights Day on Dec. 15 and Wright Brothers Day on Dec. 17. We can celebrate our right to avoid unwarranted search and seizure, as promised by the Bill of Rights by waiting an hour to be searched in the TSA security line as we prepare to fly on one of the Wright brothers’ machines. Both days typically land during the official Human Rights Week.

Suffragette Susan B Anthony got an official day on Feb. 15 and slave emancipation worker Harriet Tubman is remembered on March 10. Civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. got a federal holiday in his honor, while labor activist Cesar Chavez and militant civil rights activist Malcom X both got commemorative days.

Aside from all these federally acknowledged days, entrepreneurial-minded folks make it easy to claim a special day for your favorite things. And some days should have secondary designations. For instance, since Jan. 6 is National Bean Day, January 7 should be national apology day.

Employers should know that March 20 really is The Festival of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day, March 29 is the Festival of Smoke and Mirrors Day, and April 4 is official Tell a Lie Day.

Other days are just wrong. World Laboratory Animal Day on April 23 is followed by Pigs in a Blanket Day on the 24. The day after that is National Zucchini Bread Day, long before the first zucchini are ripe in the garden. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Others make plenty of sense. May 21 is national Waitress or Waiter Day. Penny Day on May 23 follows because you gave away all your money in tips.

June 5 really is the Festival of Popular Delusions Day, commemorating the D-Day Invasion and the end to the Nazi delusion that they could rule the world for a thousand years. Two weeks later comes International Panic Day. Yeah, human nature doesn’t change.

The fourth Sunday in September is National Gold Star Mother’s Day. The Gold Star Mothers’ Day is actually the original source for our May Mothers’ Day, a day to honor the mothers of soldiers killed in war. Gold Star Mother’s Day was officially declared a separate day to honor mothers during WWII when mothers would place a gold star in their windows if their soldier was killed.

June is your month if national days dictate your diet. You’ll eat donuts on the first Friday in June, chocolate ice cream on June 7, vegetables on June 17, ice cream soda on June 20, chocolate eclairs on June 22, and chocolate pudding on June 26.

There’s no quirk, habit or appetite too weird to have its own day,

Only in America, God bless it.