Nine short minutes, combined with nerves, a huge topic, and uncertainty about the discussion direction resulted in a broad-brushed segment, that overall went well. I think. If you missed KSL’s Studio 5 segment on “Bridging the Religious Gap” and “Teaching Kids Acceptance”, click on the links to view.

A few moments before the segment, one of the hosts told me there was something he wanted to ask me, but wasn’t sure if he should prepare me for the question, or ask me LIVE. He said he wanted to ensure an honest answer, and sometimes if he gives a person time to think about the question, the honesty is lost.

“I’ll be honest,” I said. “But, I’d love to know what the question is.”

He said, “What would be worse, if your child was ostracized because they weren’t LDS, or…if they converted?”

“That’s easy,” I said. Then we were quickly ushered into the studio, asked to take our seats around the table – and my friend, Shelly Butterfield, and I looked at each other and simultaneously mouthed, “You talk.”

The segment aired and the question was not asked.

Immediately afterwards, I said to the host, “You didn’t ask your question.”

He said there wasn’t time, but he and a few others in the studio were curious what my reply was.

“It would be worse if they were ostracized,” I said. “However, I wouldn’t want them to join any church as a result of peer pressure.”

This is an interesting question, though. Ironically, I received an email from a woman who’d watched the segment and was devastated because her teenage daughter had just informed the woman and her husband that she planned to be baptized very soon. The woman felt that things had been handled secretly, that her daughter had been discouraged from talking with her parents about the decision, and described the family as loving and close. “What’s a parent to do?” this woman wanted to know. “What would you do?” she asked.

Difficult questions with complicated and personal answers.

We all love our children and do what we feel is best to support and guide them. I like to think if my child came to me with news of a religious choice – joining a church, questioning a church or deity, leaving a church, becoming a Buddhist monk, pursuing a pastoral position, etc. – news of who they love, a career choice, a secret or a problem, that my first reaction would be to continue loving them. Again, I recognize these are personal and complicated issues for people.

I also like to think that my husband and I communicate openly about so many topics with our sons, that they will make decisions in life based on their own guiding light, and hopefully not succumb to peer pressure…until they fall in love. Affairs of the heart drive many conversions to or departures from a religion or belief system.

So, the answer to the question the host asked me was easy. Besides, that kind of ultimatum doesn’t exist in today’s world – ostracization versus conversion. Right? 

Chrisy Ross is the author of To Mormons, with Love: A Little Something from the New Girl in Utah. She lives in Alpine with her husband and three sons, and blogs at ChrisyRoss.com.