A friend recently shared a situation on Facebook where her daughter had not been invited to a party. Apparently a group of girls discussed the event in front of my friend’s daughter. Ironically, the excluded young girl told her mother that she wasn’t bothered because she was “used to it.” Her mother, my friend, commented, “But, I am not [used to it]!”

Parents ache when our kids are excluded from small – but especially larger – parties or social gatherings. “Isn’t there room for just one more child? I’ll drive!”

As an adult, I’ve revisited feelings experienced as a 12-year-old girl when I wasn’t included in the fun. Fortunately, in the 1970s snapshots weren’t posted on Facebook in real time – a new sting kids today (and adults) need to cope with. Even if someone is discreet about a get-together during casual conversation (the polite thing to do), it defeats the purpose when they choose to live stream the event.

In the same breath, it’s not necessary or realistic to include everyone in every activity.

When our oldest son began the elementary school party circuit, I struggled with what seemed to be the new social norm: Invite classmates, neighborhood children… and all of their siblings. Not only were we dealing with more birthday parties than we could squeeze into our schedule, but we also had to explain to our kids that they would have to choose only a few friends to invite to their celebration.

Things worked out. We attended several parties, and felt comfortable declining when necessary. Our boys were fine with smaller guest lists, and occasionally we invited the world.

Consideration for the feelings of others was always discussed. We’re failing our kids if they don’t learn the importance of discretion and common courtesy. We’re also failing them if they don’t understand how to graciously accept the reality that party hosts have capacity limits.

But for a young person to feel “used to it?” No.

I have memories of arriving at school on Monday morning and overhearing the laughter and tittering of girls who’d had a terrific time at a weekend slumber party. Wishing I had been there to see Sprite come out of Judy’s nose. There were other times I’d been at the fun party. But, I also remember feeling badly if I caught the eye of one of the excluded or overlooked girls whose expression said, “Please invite me next time. That sounds so fun.”

We all can’t go to everything. But one person shouldn’t go to nothing.

Chrisy Ross is the author of To Mormons, with Love: A Little Something from the New Girl in Utah. She lives in Alpine with her husband and three sons, and blogs at ChrisyRoss.com.