When we first moved to Alpine, I was on a quest to find other nonmembers. I used a person’s college history as a filter. BYU attendees were obvious members, although I’d heard lore that a few students reported for class and didn’t know the LDS Church owned the college. My dad knows a woman who received a BYU golf scholarship several years ago, showed up on campus and had a bit of a surprise. She’s from another country and not Mormon. Dad loves to tell the story.

I assumed that if a person had attended the University of Utah (what seemed to be the antithesis of BYU, although I’m not sure why) that person was not a member of the LDS Church. I assumed this even more than if I’d discovered someone attended Berkeley or MIT. I noticed that there were several U of U crimson and white banners that made an appearance on game day in our neighborhood. I’d found my people!

Only I hadn’t. I’d found one of the most intense college rivalries of all time. Everyone, except me, in the western half of the United States knows this. If there is one thing that could possibly fracture Mormon families, it’s the Utah-BYU rivalry. I had no idea.

My husband, Chris, was in the backyard with our six-year-old son last fall. A five-year-old neighbor boy popped over with two of his younger cousins. One child was wearing a large foam claw and another child sported a BYU t-shirt. The boys ran around the yard for a while and then one child approached Chris.

“Do you like BYU or Utah?” the claw-wearing boy asked. Chris replied, “We like them both. They’re both good teams.” Raising his claw proudly, the boy said, “We like BYU. Not Utah. We always vote for the other team when Utah plays.”

The child was serious and it was apparent that he wasn’t accustomed to someone playing Switzerland when asked such an important question.

Our two older sons both had the same fourth grade teacher–a man teacher (score!) who happened to be a BYU fan. This teacher educated our boys on sports smack talk and rivalry jokes. Our sons had lived in the state long enough to hear schoolmates and neighbor kids discuss which Utah school was superior, where their parents had attended and where they were expected to go upon graduation . . . in ten years. By the time each of our sons reached fourth grade it seemed appropriate for a few moments of class time to be spent assessing who was rooting for the Utes or the Cougars on rivalry game day. My husband and I supported the teacher in this valuable and character-defining use of time.

But the jokes were like fireworks. “And the best part, Mom?” the boys would explain to me on the drive home from school, “Is that you can switch which team you’re joking about!”

The heavens opened and the angels sang. Our sons could make fun of overweight cheerleaders, athletes with poor hygiene, students with low IQs and switch the mocker and the mockee like pros.

When our sons were younger they routinely said they planned to attend BYU, clearly influenced by their LDS friends. Now that they’re older, they say they’re going to the University of Utah, still influenced by their LDS friends.

Years ago an LDS coworker told my husband that Church basketball was the dark side of Mormonism. I have no firsthand experience with that situation, although I’ve heard wives talk and seen husbands limp. The Utah-BYU rivalry, however, needs to be addressed by someone of importance because, Houston, we have a problem. There’s a young child wearing a giant foam claw in our backyard. And he means business.

Chrisy Ross is the author of To Mormons, with Love: A Little Something from the New Girl in Utah. She lives in Alpine with her husband and three sons, and blogs at ChrisyRoss.com.