Headline: “Sunlight travels at 186,000 mph. These solar incentives will go just as quickly. It takes the earth 365 days to orbit the sun. Fortunately it only takes a few minutes to apply for a solar incentive for your home or business.”

I think it’s a safe bet that light traveling at 186,000 mph is not going to generate a lot of electricity. Crank it up to 186,000 miles per second and you might stand a better chance.

But I don’t want the power company’s advertising agency to feel too bad. I can’t even repeat some of the headlines I’ve seen over the years. About all you can do when this happens to you is curl up in the fetal position under your desk. Here are some ambiguous news headlines that can actually be reprinted in a family newspaper — just to make Rocky Mountain Power feel better:

• Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

• Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

• Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

• Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

• Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

• Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

• Farmer bill dies in house

• Iraqi head seeks arms

• Squad helps dog bite victim

• Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

• Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests

• Miners refuse to work after death

• Two Soviet ships collide, one dies

• Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better

• If strike isn’t settled quickly it may last awhile

• War dims hope for peace

• Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years

• Man is fatally slain

• Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

• Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation