2 Sense: The art of courtesy and compliments
Val: Like many of you, I have seen the interview of Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman after he made the game-saving play in the end zone to secure the NFC Championship over the San Francisco 49ers. It was, unfortunately, a reflection on American society. While self-confidence is a good thing for defensive backs, that type of in-your-face bravado on a national TV interview will only serve as a catalyst for young wannabe athletes, especially after they see his “marketability” go through the roof.
I bring this up because today Donna and I want to address the art of courtesy and the good that comes from making sincere compliments. It seems logical that courtesy ought to be embodied by every business. Business people frequently repeat the saying, “The customer is always right.” If you offend a customer, you not only lose that customer, but he/she will likely tell a dozen friends about the mistreatment, and you stand a good chance of losing their business, too.
I find it very refreshing to go to a business that has a culture of courtesy. Employees smile and are happy and make you feel good and important. I always make a mental note that I want to patronize that business more in the future. On the other hand, nothing turns me off more than an employee that is rude and abrupt and ornery.
Social media this week has been abuzz about Sherman’s antics. Many people have commented that they will be cheering for the Broncos because of his sophomoresque tirade. I find myself in that camp. The dynamics of business work the same way. When one has a negative experience with a less-than-helpful employee, that action can prompt not only that person, but also others to take their business elsewhere.
Many years ago, my mother, who worked graveyard shifts at the hospital to make ends meet for our large family, decided she needed to buy a car. She went to a local dealership and found one she thought she liked. She paid a $100 deposit, which she believed was refundable. Something came up, and she decided not to buy the car. The dealership refused to refund her deposit. She pleaded with them, but they hung onto their $100, which they probably had a legal right to do.
I made a pledge then and there that I would never purchase a vehicle from that dealership. My eight siblings, most of whom have lived in Utah Valley most of their lives, were just as upset about it and have likely never done business with that dealership. In the end, the $100 the dealership “won” by playing hardball probably cost them thousands of dollars of business from our family.
Sincere compliments often accompany acts of courtesy. They make the recipient feel good and have a desire to do better. Our society sometimes attributes compliments to ulterior motives and views them suspiciously. However, my philosophy has always been that I should never miss the chance to pay a compliment. The little effort it takes to say something nice about someone can produce huge dividends in the life of the recipient. I think we have all felt the rush of adrenaline that comes from a kind remark by someone we admire.
As our New Year’s resolutions begin to fade into 2014, let’s try to remember to make the world around us a better play by being courteous and complimentary.
Donna: Courtesy to me has the simple meaning of putting others feelings before oneself. We have seen a rapid decline in common courtesy with the dawn of the individual electronic device. I find that I fall prey to the inclination myself to check a message or look at my phone regardless of who might be speaking to me at the time. It is not a big deal to most people. It won’t make the front page of any paper, but it is still rude. I have heard more and more people say they take phones away from teens at the dinner table and other times to keep them focussed on the people around them.
As we try to hold on to courtesy and polite behavior, it is important to remember it is all about putting others first. I have been preparing for a presentation in February centered around building professional relationships. Whether we are building professional or personal relationships, the art of compliments is an important tool. This art doesn’t come from giving empty platitudes, but rather genuinely and specifically finding something about another person that you can compliment. There is also an art to taking a compliment. Simple is best and specific is essential.
When we give a sincere, simple compliment to someone, it can change a life. I received a specific compliment from a seventh grade teacher about my abilities in writing that completely changed my attitude toward school, studying and hard work. There have been other times in my life when I stood at a crossroad and some kind word or friendly compliment has helped me forge on.
I believe that compliments are the remedy for both arrogance and shyness in dealing with other people. If you truly try to find something you admire or appreciate in someone, it will keep you from thinking too much about yourself. In that same spirit if people make you nervous, breaking the ice with a sincere and simple compliment can keep you from being self-conscious.
In business as in so many other parts of our lives we want to be around people we know, like and trust. Being courteous and complimentary will certainly help people to like and trust you more and then it is up to you to help them know you. I have challenged myself to find more opportunities to look outward and compliment others with sincerity. I believe it will be a great experiment in 2014.
• Val Hale is president and CEO of the Utah Valley Chamber of Commerce. Donna Milakovic is Executive Vice President of the Utah Valley Chamber of Commerce.