Now that Hostess has stopped making them, can we talk? Twinkies were nothing more than a silly name, a lot of fake ingredients and legions of middle-age fans who confused yesterday with 30 years ago.

Fans are mourning the passing of Twinkies like a beloved rich relative had just died. A “beloved” relative they haven’t seen in 40 years, who it turns out didn’t have money.

I overheard some friends recently saying: “They can’t stop making Twinkies! Twinkies are great!”

Oh, yeah? Big fan? When was the last time you actually ate one of those disgusting yellow things with white glop in the middle? Average answer: “Oh, gee, maybe third grade?”

For the record, here was the Twinkies blueprint: Enriched wheat flour, sugar, corn syrup, niacin, water, high fructose corn syrup, vegetable and/or animal shortening — containing one or more of partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed and canola oils, and beef fat — dextrose, whole eggs, modified corn starch, cellulose gum, whey, leavenings (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, monocalcium phosphate), salt, cornstarch, corn flour, corn syrup, solids, mono- and diglycerides, soy lecithin, polysorbate 60, dextrin, calcium caseinate, sodium stearol lactylate, wheat gluten, calcium sulphate, natural and artificial flavors, caramel color, yellow dye No. 5, red dye No. 40.

Is that a list of ingredients or the final exam for senior-high chemistry class? Admittedly, I’m a sucker for red dye No. 40. It tastes so much better than red dye No. 39.

Total calories: 150 (for each Twinkie). Fat grams: 4.5. Sodium: 220 mg. Carbs: 27 g. Dietary fiber: 0 g. Protein: 1 g. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: Depending on whether you bought them in a convenience store, supermarket or vending machine, about $1.

Twinkies were advertised as “Golden Sponge Cake with Creamy Filling.” There was a better chance of real sponge being in a Twinkie than real cream. Beware any snack food that boasts “creamy filling,” because whatever that white goop in Twinkies was, it had nothing to do with cream. If you think “creamy filling” means “dairy product,” there’s a guy on the corner who’ll sell you a “Rotex” watch for $40 ($25 if it’s raining and he wants to get home for “Monday Night Football”).

Confession: My mother used to put Twinkies in my school lunch box. She actually thought Twinkies were more healthful than chocolate Ring Dings.

Twinkies were born in 1930 — during the Great Depression. No wonder everybody was feeling down. Chocolate chip cookies were created in 1930, too. Given a choice … are you serious? Twinkies are gone. Chocolate chip cookies will be around forever.

Forever? I can’t wait 10 minutes for them to bake in my oven. I’m opening the door every two minutes to grab a bunch. Maybe that’s why I’m half-baked, too.

Dick Sargent, the second Darrin (and totally the best Darrin) in the “Bewitched” sitcom, was born in 1930, too.

In recent years, there’s been no reason for mothers to use Twinkies to instill bad nutritional habits in their kids … not when there are fresh-doughnut stores on every corner, and supermarkets have real bakeries that crank out hot, greasy doughnuts to instill bad nutritional habits in their kids. You can’t tell me that a weeks-old Twinkie tasted better than a still-warm Krispy Kreme doughnut right out of the grease.

I once moved to a new city and asked my new co-workers, “Where’s the best burger in town?” They gave me the name of a rundown burger joint next to the big high school. I went there for lunch. The burger was terrible.

The next day, I asked my co-workers, “Do you really think those burgers are good?”

They said, “They used to be.”

Yeah, when you were in high school, and you had your first car and your first girlfriend or boyfriend, and everything was delicious. Even those terrible burgers. So let it be with Twinkies.