In the spring, a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of … a frozen, thirst-quenching, super-chocolatey drink from Dairy Queen. I’m guessing you never figured on both Woody Guthrie and Alfred, Lord Tennyson references in a Dairy Queen review.

Here’s the Frozen Hot Chocolate blueprint: DQ’s Arctic Rush icy slush mix, a ladle of cocoa fudge, vanilla soft serve, MORE cocoa fudge and whipped cream on top.

Total calories: 1,020 (for a large, 22-ounce cup). Fat grams: 45. Sodium: 390 mg. Dietary fiber: 0 g. Carbs: 140 g. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: $3.89.

There are two other flavors of Frozen Hot Chocolate: Caramel and Peanut Butter. They both have about the same calories and fat grams as Double Fudge. Peanut Butter is actually a little pudgier. All three Frozen Hot Chocolates come in mini, small and medium sizes, too.

First things first: Double Fudge Frozen Hot Chocolate is fantastically delicious. It’s super-icy, with over-the-top chocolate power. The hot-chocolate flavor comes from the cocoa fudge. Doubling the chocolate fudge — doubling anything — is always a good idea.

The slushy drink goes down easy, but it’s super-frigid, so be careful with those first few sips. You don’t want to be paralyzed with an ice-cream headache in the drive-thru. People behind you will get annoyed.

Ever get stuck behind someone who pulls up to the microphone and takes forever to order, like they’re buying a house and negotiating on who’s going to repair the garage-door opener? I’ve leaned on the horn like a drunk leaning on a lamppost in the French Quarter in New Orleans. There are a few drive-thrus where I’m not welcome.

OK, so the Double Fudge Frozen Hot Chocolate will satisfy your deepest, darkest chocolate urges. But there’s a price to pay — well, beyond the $3.89 for a large cup. If you’re on a 2,000-calorie-a-day diet (yeah, right), this one drink is more than half your day’s fill.

I figured that Frozen Hot Chocolate would be lower on the nutritionals, since its base is frozen water, not a creamy milkshake mix. Wrong! No matter what kind of diet you’re on, from counting calories to carbs, the Double Fudge Frozen Hot Chocolate is a destroyer.

There’s a rule of thumb for dieters: Don’t drink your calories. Save your calories for pizza or — and I’m not recommending this — a healthful salad.

Frozen Hot Chocolate blows that rule of thumb to smithereens. In fact, a few too many Frozen Hot Chocolates, and even your thumbs will get so chubby that you won’t be able to text-message the Jenny Craig crisis hotline.