By “bosom burger buddies,” I mean … have you seen their commercials? They’re famous for having top-heavy models in slinky bikinis washing cars or rolling around on a beach — you know, things you usually do while chowing down on a fistful of burger.

Their latest commercial for the Texas BBQ Thickburger has Sports Illustrated swimsuit siren Hannah Ferguson washing a car, cavorting with the suds and biting into a mammoth burger … when in walks her mother, also in a bikini. Hilarious!

Hold on, that’s not her mother. It’s Paris Hilton. Oops.

Now I get it — it’s an inside joke. Hilton starred in the first sexy burger ad for Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s a decade ago, and this is her spoofy cameo role.

Here’s the Texas BBQ Thickburger breakdown: a 1/2-pound charbroiled Angus beef patty, covered with slow-smoked, chopped beef brisket swimming in spicy mesquite BBQ sauce, crispy jalapeno and onion strips, and melted American cheese on a big, puffy bun that was baked in-store. I think I need a nap.

Total calories: 1,030. Fat grams: 49. Dietary fiber: 4 g. Sodium: 2,900 mg. Carbs: 95 g. Protein: 55 g. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: $6.99.

Remember when Carl’s Jr. came out with a “$6 Burger” (actual cost $3.99) and it was funny? Not so funny now.

We’re used to meat-on-meat action in the drive-thru. We loves us our bacon burgers. But a burger mixing it up with Texas-style barbecue is new … and we like it! The 8-ounce patty is charbroiled to a slight char. It’s got the edge over any burger barn that fries its patties on a flat grill. Greasy yuck.

The brisket is chopped and lean and oozing spicy mesquite sauce. Just a guess, but is that Stubb’s barbecue sauce glistening on my chin? This burger is a slop bomb with its pin pulled. The Texas BBQ Thickburger put the “mess” in “mesquite.”

The breaded and deep-fried jalapeno and onion strips (Texas toothpicks) are spiking the ball in the end zone. You’ve already scored, you had me at “1/2-pound patty,” so this is unnecessary. But who doesn’t love a funky touchdown dance? The strips totally work. A little crunch on top of a burger never fails to dot the “i.” Try throwing some McDonald’s fries on top of a Quarter-Pounder … it almost makes the burger tolerable.

The Texas BBQ Thickburger has so much going for it, including calorie and fat counts that look like a video-game scoreboard. One way of cutting calorie corners is to ditch the bun, which usually is no prob. But Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s now bake their buns fresh in-store every day. Hard to ditch those pastries.

Of course, you could downsize. They also make Texas BBQ Thickburgers with a dainty 1/3-pound patty — now you’re facing only 920 calories and 43 fat grams. You’re never going to win.