They’re really the same company. Everything’s the same: the menu, decor, even the big, yellow star in the logo — only the name on the sign is different. In the West and Southwest, you’ve got 1,462 Carl’s Jr. restaurants; in the rest of our beautiful land, 2,109 Hardee’s. We’re not interested in big-business mergers, we’re about big, inexpensive, giddyap food handed through a drive-thru window.

Here’s the Bacon Swiss Big Chicken Fillet Sandwich breakdown: a big, honking 5-ounce breaded and deep-fried chicken breast, two strips of bacon, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato and your choice of creamy ranch dressing or mayo on a freshly baked brioche-style bun. The buns are baked in-store every day. Major points there.

This sure doesn’t sound like a drive-thru sandwich. Toto, we’re not in Kansas — or McDonaldland — anymore.

Total calories: 860. Fat grams: 49. Sodium: 2,540 mg. Carbs: 67 g. Dietary fiber: 4 g. Protein: 41 g. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: $5. Toto, we’re not eating off the Value Menu, either. Beef prices are through the hoof, so all the chains are looking to chicken to scratch out a profit this year.

Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s have big eyes and big ideas … and a thing for big breasts. Get Kate Upton’s agent on the phone! We’ve got a commercial to film!

They’re saying this is the biggest chicken sandwich among the national chains. And I’m thinking they’re right on the money — $5, also the biggest tab among the national chains.

Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s also have a stripped-down model — minus the bacon, Swiss and ranch — for a buck less. But life is for the living, so bring on the bacon.

Either style, these sandwiches are packing heavy-duty calories, fat, salt — a lot of salt — and whatever else is on your diet’s no-no list. If you want to cut back without losing too much flavor, ask your friendly sandwich artist to hold the ranch or mayo. If that’s too dry for you, bring a jar of low-fat mayo from home, ya big weirdo.

These clucks are worth the bucks. The chicken breast is big, as advertised. It pokes out from all edges of the bun. Hello, chicken. The breast is real, a whole piece of white-meat chicken from one barnyard bird. It’s not surgically augmented, like that glued ‘n’ chewed glop that goes into processed nuggets.

The breast is breaded and deep-fried, then sprinkled with delicate spices. Even with the bacon, cheese, lettuce and tomato, this is still a basic fried-chicken sandwich — everything is just done up bigger.

Bigger is better in the drive-thru. What you can’t finish, you just toss back in the bag for your midnight snicky snack.