A definitive ranking of Costco’s food court items
A Costco All Beef Hot Dog, and Combo Pizza slice, photographed at the store in Orem on Tuesday.
A Costco Combo Pizza slice, an All Beef Hot Dog, a drink, a Berry Smoothie and a churro.
Trying every item on Costco's food court menu is quite the undertaking.
People wait in line for lunch at Costco in Orem on Tuesday.
People dine at Costco's food area in Orem.
Costco's Chicken Bake and Hot Turkey & Provolone Sandwich held their own against classics like the Combo Pizza.
I’m a creature of habit.
When I hit up Costco’s food court, I stick with what I know: Combo Pizza, All Beef Hot Dog and Berry Smoothie. But there’s a whole kaleidoscope of flavors I’m not tapping into here. Costco’s food court has so much more to offer, so I decided to educate myself and try every item on the menu in one sitting. It was a weighty task, no doubt, but I’m done living in darkness.
Here’s my definitive ranking of all these items:
1. Tie: Chicken Bake and Pizza
Listen, I’m as shocked as you are. I’ve been loyal to Costco’s Combo Pizza (pepperoni, green peppers, red onions, sausage, mushrooms) for as long as I can remember. One of my friends claimed allegiance to the Chicken Bake, and I was skeptical. But … he was right. The Chicken Bake is not visually appealing — not by a long shot: a sometimes-misshapen cheesy bread roll encasing a gooey mix of chicken, bacon and Caesar dressing. Somehow, it just works. It totally and completely works. It’s just as good as the pizza, and I can’t pick sides here. I’m declaring it a tie.
3. Berry Smoothie
No visit to the food court is complete without the Berry Smoothie. Cold, but not too cold. Neither runny nor lumpy. So smooth, so satisfying. Kudos to you, Berry Smoothie. You can always be counted on.
4. Very Berry Sundae with Strawberries
The Very Berry Sundae makes me feel, well, patriotic. It’s not doing anything revolutionary — just vanilla soft serve ice cream and some kind of berry compote that’s practically just jam. It has no right being this tasty. Like the best that America has to offer, it transcends its normalcy.
5. Hot Turkey & Provolone Sandwich
I’m giving this sammich the slight edge over the All Beef Hot Dog, but it’s a photo finish. This item comes with cooked turkey breast, tomato, red onions, provolone, mayo and pesto, all served on a hefty Torta roll and cooked in an oven. It’s a really impressive balance of flavors, no one taste overpowering the others. Tastier than I expected.
6. All Beef Hot Dog
Costco’s Polish dog seems to be more popular than its all-beef counterpart, but after tasting both, the all-beef offering clearly wins. It’s a no-frills item than can be dressed up at the condiment station. I like reliability, and with the All Beef Hot Dog that’s what I’m getting.
7. Kirkland Signature Nonfat Yogurt (swirl)
Another no-nonsense choice. Just good old-fashioned frozen yogurt. No one’s trying to reinvent the wheel here, and that’s just fine.
8. Polish Dog
The Beef-vs-Polish Dog debate is just a matter of preference. To me, beef seems better suited to a cheap hot dog ($1.50) than Polish sausage. But hey, to each their own wiener.
9. BBQ Beef Brisket Sandwich
Like a lot of the things I sampled, the BBQ Beef Brisket Sandwich was better than I expected. Loads of sweet brisket and a bit of coleslaw are heaped onto this food bomb (more than 700 calories; still less than the Chicken Bake or turkey sandwich). It’s ranked low on this list only because Costco has so many good items to choose from. But I only had a few bites — the entire sandwich might be too much to handle otherwise.
10. Gelato
I guess Costco has Gelato now? Maybe I’m just late to the party. The food court has three different gelato flavors: strawberry, chocolate and stracciatella (vanilla with chocolate shavings). For only $1.50 you can get three big scoops served in a waffle cone or cup, or get a whole quart for $4.99. The gelato is a mixed bag. The chocolate flavor was great, the strawberry was decent and the stracciatella was a bit strange.
11. Twisted Churro
In my mind, a churro is supposed to be crispy and crunchy. Costco’s Twisted Churro, which was about 18 inches long, was actually pretty soft and doughy. It’s only a dollar, so the investment here in minimal.
12. Chicken Caesar Salad
I mean, I guess you could get something healthy at the Costco food court. If you’re into that sort of thing. While the Chicken Caesar won’t impact your waistline, there wasn’t anything noteworthy about it. Just the basic, unembellished Caesar fixins. I just can’t imagine choosing this over any of the above items.
Out of contention: Latté/Mocha Freeze
For personal reasons, I don’t drink coffee products, and didn’t sample the Latté/Mocha Freeze. Where would you coffee-inclined Costco regulars rank the Latte/Mocha Freeze? I’m curious.
In closing:
As we strewed our heap of food items across the table, a woman at the table next to us held her young daughter in her arms. The daughter, probably 3 years old, was wide-eyed as she surveyed our smorgasbord. “Which one do you want?” the mom asked her, the young girl practically licking her lips. Getting every item at Costco’s food court costs around $30. But playing a part in that child’s fooducation? Well, that’s priceless.