This week I reached out for — unbuckle your belts, fellas — a Most American Thickburger at the Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s conspiracy, with 3,500 restaurants combined across the growing American expanse.

Here’s the Most American Thickburger breakdown: a 1/2-pound Angus beef patty topped with (deep breath) Lay’s kettle-cooked potato chips, cheese, pickles, onions, ketchup, mustard and a split hot dog on a freshly baked bun. Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s has the best buns in the business. Your buns may increase in size, however.

Total calories: 1,030. Fat grams: 64. Sodium: 2,350 mg. Carbs: 85 g. Dietary fiber: 4 g. Protein: 40 g. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: $6.90. There is a skinnier version, with a 1/3-pound beef patty, for $5.79.

OK, now they’re just messing with us, trying to break our bodies and spirit. Well played, Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. I’ve lost my will to fight. Put a Most American Thickburger in front of me and check back in an hour. If I’m not here, find a good home for my dog, will you?

Remember when Carl’s Jr. poked fun at its fast-food rivals by calling its own top sellers “$6 Burgers” but charging much less? With the Most American Burger breaking the $5 and $6 burger barrier, that’s out the window. Hey, will the Most American Thickburger even fit through the drive-thru window?

The Most American Thickburger was five years in the making for Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Should be about five years in the digesting for you.

The research-and-development brainiacs first tried regular chips on the Most American Thickburger, but all the grease and juice made them a soppy mess. So they switched to Lay’s crispier, sturdier kettle-cooked chips. We like recognizable brand names in the drive-thru. Props for the chip upgrade.

Pretty much and too much, we’re talking a backyard barbecue on a bun, plus a whole day’s worth of fat grams and sodium. This isn’t indulgence, this is overkill. This is making a mockery of gross consumption.

Oddly, Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s are the only major chains offering a turkey burger for people cutting back on red meat, and regular burgers wrapped in lettuce for the carb-conscious.

You know Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s from their sophisticated, demure commercials. We’ve seen top-heavy models and talentless reality stars like Kate Upton and Kim Kardashian moan through burgers while doing everyday chores, like washing a car or trying to stand up in slow motion. The spot for the Most American Thickburger doesn’t disappoint. It features Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Samantha Hoopes wearing a stars-and-stripes bikini and eating a burger in a hot tub. Very subtle. The target demo, males 18-34, will eat it up.

They may enjoy the Most American Thickburger, too.