This week I reached for a woozy, boozy Whisky Bacon Burger at everybody’s neighborhood “Grill + Bar,” Applebee’s, with 2,030 restaurants ‘cross the country and ’round the world.

This is a busy burger, so hold on to your napkins (at least five) and let’s get to eatin’.

Here’s the Whisky Bacon Burger breakdown: an all-beef patty, caramelized onions, applewood-smoked bacon, Fireball Whisky-infused steak sauce, more bacon, crispy onions and pepper-Jack cheese on a toasted brioche bun. Whew!

Total calories: 1,240 (told you, whew!). Fat grams: 80. Sodium: 1,990 mg. Carbs: 72 g. Dietary fiber: 4 g. Protein: 57 g. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: $12, including one side. Your price may vary.

We’re talking a big’un burger here, starting with a 7-ounce, never-frozen (thanks for the tip, Wendy’s) beef patty. The burger is placed on top of bacon and caramelized onions, which sear into the patty on a hot flat-top grill. Then we get down to business. More bacon, crunchy onions, pepper Jack and a potent potable whisky-infused steak sauce bring this bad boy home.

Applebee’s is a family joint, but don’t worry if the youngsters dig into a Whisky Bacon Burger: The alcohol is all gone by the time your friendly server lugs this weighty burger to your table. The only thing that gets smashed is the patty. Applebee’s smushes the patty on the grill, so the edges get crispy and charred the old-fashioned way. The burger hangs out of the bun — it’s too big for its brioches.

Applebee’s doesn’t ask, “Rare, medium or well-done?” They offer “pink or no pink.” Semantics. Anyway, the option puts Applebee’s over the one-size-fits-all drive-thrus, where you’re getting your burger well done … and you’ll like it. Or you can go to bed hungry, mister.

When Applebee’s creates a monster burger like this, you’re going to pay more than just the price on the menu. This is a diet-buster every which way you look: calories, carbs, fat and sodium. You know what that means — yeah, this is one delicious, over-the-top burger.

And we’re not done. You get to choose from Applebee’s “Pick a Side” board. I could have ordered steamed broccoli but nah, I’m a traditionalist: french fries.

That’ll be an extra 430 calories. What the heck, beach season is over.