This week I reached out for an oozy, gooey, gloppy Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake, new from the world’s No. 2 pizza purveyor, Domino’s, with 8,773 restaurants in all 50 states and around this crazy blue marble.

You may have seen something like the Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake on menus in fancy steakhouses — under violent, diet-destroying names like Molten Chocolate Cake, Chocolate Explosion or Chocolate Bomb. You’ll understand the wreckage and ruin the moment you stick a spoon in this dessert. Chocolate … everywhere!

Here’s the blueprint: a crunchy chocolate cake shell filled with warm, leaky chocolate fudge — served warm.

Total calories: 357 (per individual cake). Fat grams: 8. Dietary fiber: 1 gram. Carbohydrates: 40 grams. Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: $3.99 for two of ’em. Not cheap, but not steakhouse prices.

That’s $3.99 for two … or one free if you order a Bread Bowl Pasta dish from Domino’s before Sept. 13. Or you can get a freebie if you walk into a Domino’s and prove that it’s your birthday. A driver’s license or birth certificate (or a birth announcement in a Honolulu newspaper) will do the trick. The birthday promotion runs through August.

The Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake is all about chocolate. It’s rich and dark and sweet and gloriously chocolatey. It’s for people who dream of chocolate at night, and wake up with a crumpled Three Musketeers wrapper under their pillow.

Domino’s brags that it’s “chocolate on the outside, chocolate on the inside, a whole new level of chocoliciousness,” which isn’t even close to a real word, but sounds about right.

My Chocolate Lava Crunch Cakes arrived still warm. I didn’t know what to expect, so I picked one up and bit into it. Big mistake. Thar she blows! The cake fell apart and chocolate fudge drizzled onto the floor. Hard to believe so much fudge was in that little cake. It took three Bounty sheets to quicker-picker-up the mess.

You’re supposed to eat them daintily, with a spoon. A fork won’t do the trick. And be careful with that first bite. Depending on how far the delivery guy drove, or whether you were the driver’s first stop, the sloppy middle could burn your tongue. Blow on it first.

Kids, there’s no way your parents will go for this, but it’s probably smart to eat the Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake first — while the lava is warm and flowing.

A tip: Order only as many as you’ll eat while they’re hot. Reheating is too much work. You’re supposed to preheat your oven to 200 F, place the cake on aluminum foil, fold another piece of aluminum foil over the cake and bake for about 20 minutes — checking often so the cake doesn’t overheat and spring a leak.

Who has time for that? I popped a couple of leftovers in the microwave for 30 seconds. Oopsie, too long. They exploded. Pass the roll of Bounty.