Because we’re stupid, human beings like to scare the bejabbers out of ourselves. Or maybe that’s because it’s fun. Remember that when you’re wandering though a stand of leafless trees, trying to look in every direction at once for the guy with the chain saw, wishing that — brrr! — you’d brought a jacket and wondering how long it will be until you get to someplace where there’s a restroom: This is fun.

Whether it’s by conscious choice that you haven’t had a bejabber in your body since 1998, or you just keep getting roped in by your crazy friends — every darn year — you know you’ll be going to at least one haunted attraction this Halloween season. To help you out, the Daily Herald tossed a pinch of this and beaker of that into our witch’s cauldron and brewed up a handy list of some of Utah’s screamiest fright spots.

You’re welcome. Just remember to take a jacket, and pee before you leave the house. Your heart attack awaits.

 Anguish Asylum

Ghoul for it: What’s scarier than a giant, dimly lit parking garage beneath a movie theater? How about a giant, dimly lit parking garage beneath a movie theater that’s been turned into a giant haunted asylum? You’d have to be crazy to get yourself committed.

Dates: Open now through Oct. 31 except Sundays.

Location: Parking garage below Cinemark 16 at Provo Towne Centre in Provo

Cost: $15

Info: www.provotownecentre.com/events

Cornbelly’s Corn Maze and Pumpkin Fest

Ghoul for it: This year’s themed corn maze design features — yikes! — Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. If that’s not scary enough for you, then visit Insanity Point (the dark, seedy underbelly of Cornbelly’s, with 8 different haunted attractions) if you dare.

Dates: Visit the Corn Maze and Pumpkin Fest from Friday through Nov. 3 except Sundays, Oct. 2-4 and Oct. 31; Insanity Point will be open Oct. 5-6, 8, 12-13, 15, 18-20, 22, 25-27 and 29-30.

Location: Thanksgiving Point in Lehi

Cost: Cornbelly’s — various packages $8.95 to $34.95, group rates also available; Insanity Point — various packages $15.95 to $19.95

Info: www.cornbellys.com

Frightmares!

Ghoul for it: Utah’s largest amusement park tranforms itself into the ground zero of Halloween horror for the final six weeks of its annual operating season.

Dates: Open Friday through Oct. 30 on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

Location: 375 Lagoon Dr., Farmington

Cost: $44.95 (discounted rates for kids, toddlers and seniors)

Info: www.lagoonpark.com/attractions/frightmares

Halloween Cruise

Ghoul for it: Drift into dread as you take a spooky float trip down the lower reaches of the Provo River.

Dates: Oct. 1-31 except Sundays

Location: 3606 W. Center St., Provo

Cost: $8

Info: www.clasropes.com/canoe.html

Haunted Canyon

Ghoul for it: Take a train ride to terror through Provo Canyon with the Heber Valley Railroad. Be sure to dress warm, or you may experience more of a chill than just shivers down the spine.

Dates: Oct. 13, 19-20, 25-27 and 29-30

Location: Departs from Vivian Park, Provo Canyon

Cost: $16 adults, $8 children

Info: hebervalleyrr.org/haunted-canyon

The Haunted Forest

Ghoul for it: Terror lurks beneath the trees in American Fork, where the spooks have been extracting bloodcurdling screams from visitors for more than 20 years.

Dates: Open Friday through Halloween night except Sundays

Location: Take exit 276 from Interstate 15 and head south toward the spotlight

Cost: $20

Info: www.hauntedutah.com

The Haunted Hollow

Ghoul for it: Utah’s longest haunted attraction offers more than 13 acres of haunted trails in the deep shadows beneath enormous old trees.

Dates: Open Friday through Oct. 27 on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays; also open Oct. 29-31.

Location: 1900 W. 1550 South, Ogden

Cost: $20

Info: www.hauntedutah.com

Hee-Haw Farms

Ghoul for it: There’s a pick-your-pumpkin patch for kids and a 12-acre corn maze. The scary stuff includes a Haunted Hayride and Cornevil Night Terrors — a haunted corn maze, with haunted swamp and haunted forest included. Oooooh!

Dates: Sept. 28-Nov. 3

Location: 95 S. 2000 West, Pleasant Grove

Cost: Single attraction admission $8 to $10; combo passes $15 to $20

Info: www.heehawfarms.com

Nightmare on 13th

Ghoul for it: Visit the self-anointed “scariest haunted house in Salt Lake City,” including the Zombie Apocalypse, Cirque du Fear and NetherBeast attractions.

Dates: Open Friday through Nov. 3 except Sundays

Location: 300 W. 1300 South, Salt Lake City

Cost: $20

Info: www.nightmareon13th.com

Strangling Bros. Haunted Circus

Ghoul for it: Everybody knows that clowns are creepy and evil, but what about an entire circus’ worth of terrors and tribulations?

Dates: Open Friday through Oct. 6 on Friday and Saturday; open daily except Sundays Oct. 8 through Halloween Night.

Location: 98 E. 13800 South, Draper

Cost: $20 to $25

Info: www.stranglingbros.com

Zombie Apocalypse

Ghoul for it: This interactive haunt lets you participate in the terrifying and twisted aftermath of a mass zombie uprising! (Shotgun not included.)

Dates: Open now through Oct. 31 except Sundays

Location: XSI Factory, 4425 N. Thanksgiving Point Way, Lehi

Cost: $20

Info: www.zombieutah.com