On a recent flight to Arizona, I met the most interesting woman.

I was flying into Mesa for a book signing and speaking event. And she was going to fight at a Medieval/Renaissance fair. She literally uses a catapult and wears armor.

My fascinating airplane “seat friend” was so great to talk with and not because we shared so much in common, but quite the opposite. She and her partner had adopted two teens that needed a home. She voted Libertarian in the last election and had strong views about federal land rights.

There was much that we felt differently about and yet I found my new friend’s views on education, family, politics and faith to be well thought out and compelling. We had differences, but we found plenty to agree on.

That was the best part of our conversation. Even though we had to sit on the runway for over an hour, waiting for the plane to be de-iced, our conversation made the time pass quickly. As I descended from the plane — I wished her luck on her performance/competition and thanked her for being so delightful. I left wishing we had more time to get to know one another. I have pondered on that conversation a number of times since coming home. One of the reasons I love traveling is because I come in contact with new people from diverse backgrounds.

The thought that keeps running thru my mind, “Why does it feel so much safer to chat with a stranger on a train or plane and have civil conversations about topics that are generally so polarizing?” Maybe there are some lessons to be learned.

I am worried because we seem to have lost the ability to converse — but instead we easily contend. With an ever-so-divided society, with tensions at a fever pitch, we are in danger of the powder keg exploding. I believe that all sides of the aisle can agree on the disagreeable environment we are presently living in.

With such a heated post-election season, and racial and religious stressors at an all-time high, we seem to no longer be having conversations, but instead align and join social camps.

As a mother, I am motivated to model behaviors that will empower my children to live joyful and enriching lives. I want them to be informed and curious about the world around them. I want them to have faith because I believe that faith preserves hope — and hope leads to charity and love. I want my children to cast informed votes and not automatically disregard those that vote differently.

But how?

Start regular conversations with people that are different than you. It is easy to talk with those we see at church or work. The people we feel safe with because we know where they stand on the major issues. But just like any muscle — if you don’t use it you will lose it. Force yourself to connect with someone that you know doesn’t agree with you. It takes practice and it may take a flight to the desert, but as you do it, it will become easier.

Ask thoughtful questions and then listen. You can start with, “Tell me more about your experience with … ” or “What are your feelings about … “

Listen, really listen to the answers. Make a game of trying to learn something new you didn’t know before. Now before you start getting uncomfortable, remember listening isn’t saying you agree with anything. It is just saying that I am curious. Listen to be thoughtful. And ask questions to become a better listener.

Practice empathy. Empathy is a skill much like listening. It is more than just hearing someone tell you about losing a job, it is feeling the stress of unemployment. When it comes to religion or politics — understanding an opposing viewpoint with empathy can be challenging. Our natural tendency is to want to defend our camp — our research — our ideas! Fight against that defensive stance and find empathy. You may vehemently disagree with abortion, but is there room for empathy when talking with a pregnant, unwed, young, single adult female that finds herself pregnant and alone? Can you empathize with the fear she must be feeling? Can you remember a time you felt gripping fear? That is the entrance point of empathy. You may not ever agree with the issue, but you can always find an empathetic path through a conversation.

Conversations don’t need to be long to be worthwhile. Maybe the reason conversations feel safer on a plane is because you know eventually you will go your seperate ways and you don’t have to keep talking forever. Remember that contention is what we don’t like — not conversation. So set a mental timer. Next time you risk having a conversation about topics that cause emotions to bubble — remember you don’t have to talk for hours. Maybe even “break the ice” with your partner. Admit you want to try and talk about things that you may disagree about but you don’t want to be disagreeable. Take a break if things get too heated.

Us against them is become a social epidemic. So consider, no matter what side of an issue you find yourself on, there is value in asking questions, listening more, practicing empathy, and engaging in slightly uncomfortable conversations (even for a few minutes every once in awhile).

Imagine a world where in having more conversations we experience more joy! Maybe I am a dreamer? Can the world be changed, not when we finally all agree on an important issue but when we actually start listening and learning more about one another?

Maybe me and my armor-wearing friend are both dreamers. Do you want to join us?