As a mom, I sometimes feel like I am in a room with shrinking walls, trying to stop outside influences and demands from squeezing out my values and time with my kids.

I find that I have to be very deliberate in planning family time as my tendency is to make my to-do list my priority. Of course, homework has to be done, volunteering in the community is important, the lawn does need to be mowed, and your child should attend basketball practice as he committed to do. Even with all of those obligations and responsibilities, however, we must hold space for family recreation.

Playing together may seem unnecessary and inconsequential, but it is actually really important.

Doing activities as a family increases feelings of emotional safety in children and teens. They learn through watching their parents that losing a board game or missing a soccer goal is totally fine and normal, as is winning the game or making the goal. They feel comfortable trying something new. They realize they are valued for who they are and not for what they can do.

Family recreation also helps young people feel connected. Heather Johnson, a marriage and relationship coach and Brigham Young University adjunct professor, said many people think teenagers don’t want to spend time with their parents. The reality is they crave that time together. The key is they are more likely to participate when there is a plan.

“Parents often don’t recognize that just being home, being under the same roof — that isn’t enough to build a strong relationship with our kids,” Johnson said. “To really connect, we need to interact, we need to make plans and be intentional. Lots of times, our teenagers don’t want to hang out because their friends have things that are planned and are going to happen, and we don’t.”

The communication and cooperation that happen during family activities allow parents and children to learn more about each other. Parents model their values and impart their wisdom. Children feel they are valued and worth their parent’s time. Memories are made and bonds are strengthened.

The feelings of safety and connection that come through family time lead to the development of confidence in children. Recreational activities teach life skills such as sharing, respecting others, problem solving, dealing with frustration and working hard. Having these skills helps children realize they are competent and can be resilient in uncomfortable situations.

Family time can be as complicated as a kayaking trip several hours from home or as simple as playing a game of Uno after dinner one night. Holding back the walls and making space for deliberate, planned family recreation can be difficult, but the benefits are well worth the effort.

United Way of Utah County is on a mission to help every child in our community feel safe, connected, and confident. You can listen to our latest podcast episode at anchor.fm/everydaystrong (or on Apple Podcast and Spotify). Learn more about us at everydaystrong.org.

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