Is St. Lucia prettier than parts of Hawaii? Do I need to wear a swimsuit in my own private infinity pool? Will my butler eventually get mad at me for ordering four, made-to-order chocolate desserts every night? Should my wife and I even leave what we both consider the greatest room we’ve ever stayed in to experience whatever else the resort has to offer?

The answers: Yes, no, certainly not, maybe.

I’ll start with the room–aka “sanctuaries” as Jade Mountain calls them. That’s not hubris. Our 1,800 square feet, open-air suite with (again!) an in-room infinity pool, high ceilings, a balcony, sectional living room, sprawling bathroom, custom Caribbean tile, vaulted jacuzzi, and a canopy bed fit for a king was precisely that. When I say my wife and I never wanted to leave our room, I wasn’t kidding. Within seconds of arrival, we looked at each other as if to say, “Let’s embrace this short-term gift for as long as the ticking clock will allow.”

And we mostly did. Until Jade Mountain went and ruined our precious plan with all the remarkable onsite activities they enticed us with. Chocolate-making class from their organic farm? Check. Private access to the No. 1-rated beach on the entire island? Check. World-class snorkeling and SCUBA right from the beach that everyone else on the island desires? Check. Rooftop restaurant for surreal breakfast, lunch, and dinner sunsets? Check.

This list goes on. Hiking all 2,600 feet on a guided tour of Gros Piton, the most staggering, lushest jungle hike I’ve ever done in a life spent hiking? Check. Mountain biking that same jungle and stopping along the way as our toothy guide fed us fresh avocados, golden apples, green oranges, purple grapefruit, cocoa beans, and herbs from the vine along the way? Check. Private beach dinners, couples massage, and sunset sailings around what many consider the most spectacular and dramatic Caribbean island by a wide margin?

Check. Check. Check.

It’s difficult to express, if not prioritize, just how exemplary Jade Mountain is at virtually everything. The food? Always fearless, high-risk, and fancy. That makes for some definite misses. But overall my wife and I loved the decadent, well-portioned, and multicourse, all-inclusive hits. That’s especially true of the bread fruit chips with cottage cheese and chive dip, 60 minute poached eggs in gravy, spicy beet sauce, ginger braised carrots, fresh fish (all sorts), sweet potato risotto, fire roasted grilled veggies, and perfect pasta primavera.

In terms of drinks and sweets, we devoured daily cups of thick, Caribbean cocoa tea, lime basil gimlets, coconut mocktails, mojito fruit bowls, made fresh daily chocolate bars and bon bons, and banana split lava cakes with homemade raisin rum ice cream. Yum.

Let’s not forget the terrifically trained staff, many of whom have been with the exclusive, 29-room resort since it first opened on this captivating cliff some 20 years ago. Our regular cadre of rotating butlers — Ain, Junior, Miguel, and more. Daniel, our chocolatier instructor. Leei, our room attendant. Tory, our jungle bike guide. Kerwin and Kwame, our sunset sailing captain and first mate. If they’re good enough for visiting celebrities, athletes, and dignitaries, they’re more than good enough for you and me.

Although it comes close, Jade Mountain isn’t perfect. It’s expensive — best suited as a once-in-a-lifetime romantic getaway or special vacation for anyone with money. It’s remote and hard to access over rough roads, lots of stairs, no elevators, and a physically demanding layout. And its open design means exposure to insects, wildlife, and weather without air conditioning. But as the local saying goes, “Difficult roads lead to great things.”

Jade Mountain is great in every sense of the word. In fact, it’s the most incredible place I’ve ever stayed and probably will ever stay. A romantic experience that starts and ends with its surreal, open air rooms. No catfishing photos here. The room is even better in person — a rare feat among exaggerated hotels. Simply put, it is the best view on a magical island that the French and British warred over for several decades.

So ya know, seeing the Pitons at all hours of the day never gets old. Nor does the starry sky and Milky Way reflecting off the infinity pool. For me, staying at Jade Mountain was like seeing Antarctica for the first time — a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Again, that’s not hyperbole. That’s my honest review of one of the greatest resorts in the world.

I’ve sent a lot of astonishing photos back home over the years, including the pictured one. “But this is next-level,” my friend said. You’re telling me!

Blake Snow contributes to fancy publications and Fortune 500 companies as a bodacious writer-for-hire and seasoned travel journalist to all seven continents. He lives in Provo, Utah with his wife, five children, and one ferocious chihuahua.