A quick Internet search will tell us that it is not uncommon to feel down during the holidays. This is especially true when we have lost loved ones, feel lonely or are just going through a tough time.

According to a recent social media post from American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, loss and love can both be present during the holidays. Remembering past holidays may bring both sadness and joy. And that’s okay.

Again this year, I am reminded of wise words that I read during the holiday season two years ago. Local mom Leanne Tressler wrote on social media about the holidays after her husband and teenage son both passed away during a short period of time.

“What a strange phenomenon it is that times meant to bring joy and excitement can bring depression and loneliness like a train running down the tracks. Every year, I see the smoke from the engine in the distance, feel the slight vibration on the ground from its massive frame steaming down the rails. I hear the rumbling and rhythm of its cars moving relentlessly closer. I feel it coming,” Tressler wrote.

Tressler continued to write about how we, the onlookers, can help those who are in mourning, waiting. “Show up on their platform. Don’t even need to speak. Just stand with them, shoulder to shoulder, in an act of human solidarity to honor their meeting with the conductor.”

Some years in our lives are just plain hard. Knowing that it’s okay to not feel okay can actually be healing. Allowing loved ones to not put on acts of merriment and simply being there for them can be healing.

During this season, let’s resolve to seek out those who may need some extra light and warmth and do what we can to bring peace and comfort to those who are grieving or going through difficult times. If we are the ones who are struggling, let others know that we might need a little extra of that light and warmth this year.

Tressler, who also hosts regular support groups for those who are dealing with loss of any kind, offers ten things to remember if you, like many others, are grieving or struggling during the holidays:

• Give yourself permission to not attend all of the things.
• Give yourself permission to leave a gathering if you are feeling overwhelmed.
• Even though you may feel like you want to withdraw from the world, somehow stay connected.
• Be honest when others check in on you. Don’t protect them from your grief. Go ahead and say, “I’m really struggling.”
• Check in with others who you know will be having a rough holiday like you. It helps to be understood and to step out of your grief and into someone else’s for a moment.
• If it’s just too much this year, leave town to somewhere that brings you peace and just skip the whole thing. The normal traditions can return next year.
• It’s okay if, after loss, that you decide that some traditions will be kept, some will need to be altered and some will just be too painful and need to be done away with entirely. You may even need to create some brand-new ones. Do whatever feels right for you. Allow life to evolve.
• Give grace to those who will say the wrong thing or will miss the mark in their attempt to support or check in. It’s not others’ fault for not having experienced your experience.
• Watch your emotional stamina. Take care of yourself. It is taxing work to grieve and can be especially taxing during holidays.
• Remember that two things can be true at one time. The holidays can be sad and painful AND they can be magical and rich with love and beauty. You don’t have to pick one or the other. Allow both to be true. There is still magic in the world, after all.