EveryDay Strong: The importance of one trusted adult
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Research has shown the importance of being a trusted adult. That means being accessible, setting boundaries and caring about the child confiding in you.Research shows that children who have a caring adult in their lives are better able to handle and bounce back from difficult situations, create stronger relationships, participate more in activities, are more likely to earn degrees, are less likely to use harmful substances, are less likely to bully or be bullied, and experience less depression.
While a parent can definitely be a trusted adult in their child’s life, often the child may feel more comfortable for a time confiding in someone other than their parent. This person could be an aunt or uncle, teacher, coach, church leader, camp counselor, parent of a friend and so on.
According to Brooklyn Raney, author of “One Trusted Adult,” what makes a person a trusted adult can be boiled down to following the ABCs. This means they are accessible, set boundaries, and care about the child.
Being accessible means being emotionally available. It means asking questions. It means giving your full attention. According to Raney, being accessible is “the way your eyes light up when someone walks in the room, saying I’m so excited to see you.”
Creating boundaries is very important when working with teens. “Think of a boundary as a declaration of expectations and an agreed-upon way to work together,” says Raney. “Clear and healthy boundaries allow us to be our most selfless, caring, and giving selves.”
Setting boundaries does many things. 1.) It provides safety for both the youth and the trusted adult. 2.) It protects the time of the adult so they can practice self-care. This will allow the adult to better serve the child. 3.) Setting boundaries shows youth what they should and shouldn’t allow in their own lives. 4.) Boundaries create a situation where the child knows what to expect. This makes them feel safe and allows them to grow.
Having boundaries that are too loose can mean oversharing, acting in opposition to personal values to please someone else, and getting self-worth from other opinions. Having boundaries that are too rigid can mean fearing rejection, avoiding close relationships, never sharing and being detached. Proper boundaries include valuing your own opinions, expressing your wants and needs, and allowing trust with others to develop over time.
Caring about a young person means that you are deeply invested in their health and well-being as well as in their goals for the future.
Accessibility, boundaries and caring are the attributes that will help trust grow between a child and an adult.
Raney declares, “A trusted adult relationship is the solution to life’s problems for so many young people. They may not show it (they may not even know it), but they crave the attention and respect of the adults around them. They are eager to feel seen, heard, and worthy.”
United Way of Utah County is on a mission to help every child in our community feel safe, connected and confident. You can listen to our latest podcast episode at anchor.fm/everydaystrong (or on Apple Podcast and Spotify). Learn more about us at everydaystrong.org.
