In George Orwell’s novel “1984,” every citizen of the fictional state Oceania is under constant surveillance by the authorities. To remind the people they are being watched, the slogan “Big Brother is watching you” is used over and over. Today, many people use this phrase, mostly in reference to government overreach or big tech companies disregarding their privacy.

With modern technology giving us the ability to monitor practically every part of our children’s lives, young people today may feel like citizens of Oceania. The difference is that “Big Brother” to them is actually their parents.

There are apps that report information about a child’s driving speed, daily emails detailing grades and missing assignments, location tracking, browsing histories, and email- and text-monitoring apps. While these tools may be very useful to parents in moderation, they make it easier than ever to go full-on helicopter parent, making a child feel like a fugitive running from the law.

Because we love our children, we don’t want them to suffer or to do anything but their best. It seems like having perfect grades, the most fashionable of outfits and a lack of any disharmony in their lives would be the perfect way for a child to be raised. But when we step in to plan and solve problems in every aspect, it can be detrimental to their growth.

Children who are over-parented learn that they aren’t capable of handling situations on their own. Your lack of trust in them creates a lack of trust in themselves. This may leave them unable to problem solve and be self-sufficient. Children need to be allowed to take risks, make mistakes and learn to navigate tricky situations, especially while they are still young and within the protective care of their parents.

As with everything, moderation in parenting is key. Of course, you need to know certain things about where your child is and who they are with. But there are also things your child can keep private. The article “Privacy, Monitoring, and Trust: Pre-teens and Teenagers,” from raisingchildren.net.au, lists a few ways you can show you trust your child and respect their privacy:

• Knock before entering their bedroom.
• Let them talk to their friends alone.
• Ask before looking in their school bag.
• Ask if they want you in the room when seeing the doctor.
• Resist calling them over and over.
• Avoid reading their personal diary and emails.

As you respect and connect with your child, you will come to know how much monitoring they need. Setting reasonable family rules while giving them autonomy to learn about the world around them is the goal. This will take some adjusting of expectations from time to time, depending on the child and their circumstances.

Trust is imperative in a healthy relationship. Children, like everyone else, need to feel they are trusted by their parents in order to thrive.

United Way of Utah County is on a mission to help every child in our community feel safe, connected and confident. You can listen to our latest podcast episode at anchor.fm/everydaystrong (or on Apple Podcast and Spotify). Learn more about us at everydaystrong.org.

Suzanne Jarvis is the program coordinator for EveryDay Strong.

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