As an adoptive mother, birthmothers are always on my mind at Mother’s Day. This day, I’m sure, can be painful for them as thoughts about their birth children who they placed for adoption are brought to the forefront of their minds. Heartbreaking memories are possibly stirred up as well.

For mothers who have lost children, this day can be agonizing. We never forget the children we have lost, but on Mother’s Day, the sadness and pain seem stronger.

The many women who are not yet mothers, despite desperately wanting to be, might be dreading this second Sunday of May. They may feel there is no place for them on Mother’s Day, although I don’t believe this is true.

As a longtime schoolteacher, I have, unfortunately, known children whose own mothers have not cared for them as they should. Many have been mistreated by the very people who are supposed to care for them the most. Many children do not have mothers in their lives. Mother’s Day can be a reminder that while other people have wonderful experiences with their mothers, they do not.

This year, I have unwillingly joined a club full of people who will experience some tender feelings on Mother’s Day – those who have lost their mothers. Last year, I wrote this about my mom in my Mother’s Day column: “My own beloved mother spent her adult life teaching, caring for, reading to, playing with, feeding, protecting, laughing with, crying with and loving her five children and her many grandchildren.”

These words describe her perfectly. I am one of those lucky ones whose mother has been nothing but a blessing in my life. This year will be our first Mother’s Day without her here as she passed away recently. I have always loved Mother’s Day, but this one – and maybe all future ones – will hit a bit hard without her.

Despite all of the complex feelings about this special day that comes around once a year, Mother’s Day can be a time to celebrate everyone in the world who mothers. A definition of mothering is “being caring, protective and kind.” One needn’t have given birth or raised children to mother. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, coaches, caregivers and anyone else who is caring, protective and kind is mothering.

So, even though this day may be sad or disappointing in some ways, we can make it a day to celebrate all those who mother. We can resolve to care, protect and be kind to ourselves. We can have a Happy Mother’s Day.