Resilience, or the ability to overcome challenges in life, is a trait many parents hope their children will develop. Resilient children are more likely to have good emotional and mental health.

Research has shown that children who know more about their families and family history are more resilient and tend to do better when facing challenges in life. This may be because seeing patterns of overcoming failures and surviving hard times can help children recognize that people can recover and triumph, despite hardships. One of the best things families can do is develop a strong family narrative.

The research

In one study from Emory University, researchers developed a scale involving 20 questions that measured children’s knowledge about their family history. Questions included, “Do you know where your grandparents grew up?” and “Do you know where your parents met?” Researchers also looked at family’s dinnertime conversations and had the children take several psychological tests. Results showed that the more children knew about their families, the higher their self-esteem was as well as their sense of control over their lives.

The questions proved to be a good predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness. The questions also showed that children who were informed of their family history were more resilient and handled stress better than those who were not informed. Lastly, children who were able to answer more questions showed greater family unity, less anxiety and fewer behavioral problems.

A part of something bigger

Why is this? Researchers speculated that children who know about their own family history have a stronger feeling of being part of something bigger than themselves. Children who knew family history felt part of a larger family.

Family therapist Stefan Walters said, “We all feel stronger if we are part of a tapestry. One thread alone is weak, but, woven into something larger, surrounded by other threads, is more difficult to unravel.”

Learning about family history may also help children become more compassionate as they learn the struggles and challenges ancestors were able to overcome. Additionally, knowing stories about past family members helps children understand where they’ve come from and develop their own identity.

A researcher from the study said, “Hearing these stories gave the children a sense of their history and a strong ‘intergenerational self.’ Even if they were only 9, their identity stretched back 100 years, giving them connection, strength and resilience.”

So now what?

All people have a basic human need for connection and belonging, and people who have their basic human needs met are more resilient. In addition to teaching your children about their ancestors, consider strengthening existing family relationships.

One of the best ways to have joy and meaning in life is to ensure you have supportive relationships with others. Invest time and effort into strengthening the relationships in your life. Families are a great place to help children develop strong connections and supportive relationships.

Here are some ideas to help strengthen relationships within your family:

• Share family history stories and discuss them together.
• Create a family mission statement together that reflects family values.
• Eat regular meals together.
• Pass down family customs and traditions.
• Support each other in academic, extracurricular and other activities.
• Celebrate milestones together such as birthdays and graduations.

Resilience is never something that will be “one and done” or fixed overnight. However, by executing patterns like talking about family history over a child’s lifetime, you’re giving your child a strong foundation to stand on.

United Way is on a mission to help every child in our community feel safe, connected and confident. Twice a month in this space, we’ll be sharing ideas from local professionals, parents and friends about how you can do that for the kids in your life. In the meantime, find us at everydaystrong.org, or on Facebook, Instagram and X. This column was originally published at heraldextra.com on Feb. 23, 2019.