Moms are on our minds this month as Mother’s Day is coming up. However, there are some mothers who are often overlooked during this special time – birth mothers. Mother’s Day can be a day each year that is painful for some, including birth mothers who placed their children for adoption.

While Mother’s Day is always the second Sunday in May, there is another day set aside for birth mothers – the Saturday before Mother’s Day. This day was established in 1990 by a group of birth mothers. But no matter when we choose to acknowledge it, birth mothers deserve the respect and adoration that all mothers do.

As with many situations, well-meaning people often inadvertently say the wrong things to birth mothers. Many of us have probably said some of these. “You gave your child up for adoption.” This can be hurtful and insinuate that the mother “gave up on” or “gave away” her baby, when in reality, she made a difficult and loving choice for her baby.

“You gave him or her a better life.” This could be true, but we really don’t know that the birth mother couldn’t have provided a happy life for her child. While it may very well be the reason that she chose adoption, we shouldn’t assume that is the case.

“How do you think your child will feel?” It’s already difficult enough to place a baby for adoption. We don’t need to say things that may add unnecessary feelings of guilt or worry.

One thing that is suggested on many websites about adoption is that we do talk about it with the birth mother if she feels comfortable doing so. Follow her lead and her wishes. By ignoring the fact that she is a birth mother, we may be perpetuating a stigma or acting as if the birth of her baby wasn’t important. On the other hand, she may want to keep it private and to herself. Ask her what she would prefer – to talk or not to talk.

As an adoptive mother, I have nothing but admiration and respect for mothers who so selflessly choose to do what they feel is best for their children. There are many different reasons why they choose this. I have seen the anguish felt when saying goodbye to a sweet baby, and I know, from experience, that adoption is a miracle of love for all involved.

Whether celebrated on Birth Mother’s Day – May 10 – or on Mother’s Day – May 11 – honoring and celebrating birth mothers is something worth doing.