This is the fourth and final guest opinion in a series I’ve been writing to share key findings of a comprehensive 2023 study called The Girls’ Index. The first focused on confidence and social media, the second on stress and well-being and the third on school. The final topic is leadership and relationships.

The Girls’ Index, the largest study of its kind, shared compelling data on girls in the United States, with 17,502 girls in fifth through 12th grades participating from schools nationwide. Researchers collected data for the first time in 2017 and then again in 2023. The purpose of the study was to gain a deeper understanding of girls’ thoughts, experiences, perceptions, beliefs and behaviors so that parents, teachers, school counselors, faith-based youth leaders, neighbors and others can figure out how best to support girls and young women.

The challenges of girls and women being called “bossy” has been a topic of research for some decades. The Girls’ Index showed that girls’ fear of being viewed as bossy has increased dramatically since 2017. Researchers found that 67% of girls reported that they have been told they are too loud or opinionated. In 2017, 39% (grades 5-6), 33% (grades 7-8) and 29% (grades 9-12) of girls agreed, and the percentages shifted dramatically in 2023 to 59%, 57% and 48%, respectively. Fear of being called bossy reduces girls’ willingness to lead.

Even girls with the highest academic performance — 4.0 or higher GPA — said they were “afraid to lead because others will think they are bossy” (47%), felt that they didn’t say what they think or didn’t disagree with others so they can be liked (67%), and felt like they were going to explode because of the pressure put on them (79%). Fear of failure gripped a vast majority: 84% claimed they “do everything they can to avoid messing up or failing.” These increases come at the same time that girls’ ambitions to lead and make a difference have been increasing. The worry about being liked and perfect seems to be a powerful deterrent for girls and women to lead, no matter their age.

The Girls’ Index also substantiated findings on relationships, affirming that positive and supportive relationships strengthen outcomes for all children and youth. Although earlier articles in this series have mentioned some relationships, here are three additional findings:

1. Most girls say they do have supportive adults (79%) and friends (85%) they can talk to about serious things, which is heartening.
2. Less heartening is that 76% of girls did not feel that boys their age respect girls, and that increased as the girls got older (84% in high school). It seems that the divide between boys and girls has most likely grown.
3. The importance of girls having strong relationships with adults and peers cannot be overstated. In fact, researchers found that girls who said they had supportive relationships were more likely to describe themselves as confident and say that they stand up for themselves, speak their mind, trust other girls and enjoy going to school.

After studying this report, as well as reviewing the mounts of research I’ve conducted through the years (see the Utah Women & Leadership Project), I was struck again by the many connections in the complex web of girls’ confidence, social media, stress and well-being, school, leadership and relationships. Connections matter in trying to figure out the best ways to help.

To conclude this series, I offer the following final recommendations:

First, we need to reach out to and love all girls and young women around us. We can ask them questions and pay attention to what they think and how they behave. Listening and loving matter.

Second, we need to increase efforts to provide social, emotional and mental health support to children and youth. Instead of reacting with fear as adults, we can find research-based initiatives that have been shown to work and trust experts who spend their careers in this space. Support and expertise matter.

Finally, healthy relationships are the foundation of a positive life. Adults can model this in their homes by being open to ongoing opportunities for growth. We can also provide more resources to increase trust and build stronger relationships between girls and boys and among girls themselves. Relationships matter.

Having precise, real-time understanding of girls’ thoughts, experiences, perceptions, beliefs and behaviors is essential so that we can provide optimal support for girls and young women. I encourage supporting boys and young men as well. Yet, girls’ experiences are different from those of boys, and unless we understand each and implement appropriate measures that work with the differences, we cannot generate the powerful progress our youth need to reach their potential. We must work together to make Utah a better place for our children and youth!

Susan R. Madsen is the Karen Haight Huntsman Endowed Professor of Leadership in the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University and the founding director of the Utah Women & Leadership Project.