Dave: I promise to do all the weird things that make the house function like changing the air filters and cleaning the lint out of the dryer and getting the car licensed.

Anneli: I promise to worship the ground you walk on for doing those things while at the same time instantly taking all of these things for granted.

Dave: I promise to listen to my sad cello music when you’re not around. Mostly.

Anneli: I promise that I also love Carpenters’ Christmas Portrait and will listen to it at least 20 times each season before demanding that we listen to anything else.

Dave: I promise to listen to Dr. Elmo’s “Grandma got Runover by a Reindeer” and all the other songs on that album and still believe you have good taste, or at least say I believe it.

Anneli: I promise to let you keep all the big, empty Lego boxes for no reason whatsoever.

Dave: I promise to pretend to believe that you are going to finish the next insanely complicated project you get excited about. And the next one and the next as long as I live.

Anneli: I promise to nod in a thoughtful, intelligent manner when you try to help me with German grammar,

Dave: I promise not to strangle you when you keep making those same simple mistakes even though I’ve explained the principle six zillion times.

Anneli: I promise to cherish your pancake fork to the point of someday even remembering which one it is, so that I do not blaspheme the fork by using it for anything else.

Dave: I promise to let you spend our last penny on the next insane project.

Anneli: I promise that I’ve already done so. I hope you like it.

Dave: I promise to book as many trips to Disneyland as I possibly can.

Anneli: I promise to spend money as though we were millionaires on these trips.

Dave: I do so likewise vow.

Anneli: I promise to love and cherish you throughout our inevitable bankruptcy because of said trips.

Dave: I vow not to murder the cat.

Anneli: I promise not to spend more on the cat than I do on you.

Dave: Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Anneli: I promise to keep your mind sharp by consistently putting things in different places each time.

Dave: I promise to be honestly blind to any part of you that is sagging or growing larger or wrinkled or all three.

Anneli: I promise that the deafening rumbling noises coming from you each night are soothing and I will not give in to the temptation to smother you with a pillow.

Together: As we promised in the beginning, we will continue to base our relationship on food, because whatever happens, we still need lunch.

As long as we both shall live.

Anneli Byrd is an academic adviser in Weber State University’s General Studies and Exploratory advising.