Scriptwriter: No worries! I found a great real-life couple to write about. They’ve been married for 36 years!

Producer: Wow! I didn’t know people still did that. Are they good looking?

Scriptwriter: Uh, maybe average. On a good day.

Producer: Oh well, that’s what actors are for. What are their names?

Scriptwriter: David and Anneli

Producer: What’s that second name again?

Scriptwriter: “Ann nelli”, but I’m probably saying it wrong. Nobody really knows.

Producer: What do they do?

Scriptwriter: They both work at the same university in a scenic mountain area.

Producer: Perfect! Let me guess, he’s in line to be the chair of his department, but there’s fierce competition. Excellent plot!

Scriptwriter: Oh, heaven’s no. Becoming the chair is his worst nightmare.

Producer: Well, what about the wife? Does she have any ambition?

Scriptwriter: She’s counting down the months to retirement.

Producer: Oh, boy. If they aren’t interesting, are they at least charming?

Scriptwriter: They still hold hands sometimes.

Producer: That’s good, keep going,

Scriptwriter: He makes pancakes every Sunday.

Producer: Awww, they have Sunday breakfast together? I love it.

Scriptwriter: Well…. actually, he’s the clerk at the church, so he has to be there early, and she likes to sleep in, so they don’t actually eat together then.

Producer: Look, we need to have some kind of a plot. They’re getting older, are there any medical issues?

Scriptwriter: Oh sure, the day before Thanksgiving, the wife fell and hurt her knee.

Producer: Was it a skiing accident? That’s dramatic.

Scriptwriter: Well, no. She tried to sit down on a bench and missed.

Producer: You’ve got to help me out here. Is there anything at all interesting about these people?

Scriptwriter: How about this? They love to travel and went to Norway last spring.

Producer: Finally! Norway is romantic. What adventures did they have?

Scriptwriter: Adventures? They walked around a lot. Sometimes they held hands.

Producer: Sigh. Okay, you’ve managed to find the two most boring people on earth, but I’ve got to come up with something fast. I think with a few small tweaks I can make this work. Let’s see…we’ll rename what’s her face. But we’ll keep Dave, that can sound either rugged or cuddly. And we’ll keep the university, if it’s pretty and near some ski resorts. They love to ski, right?

Scriptwriter: Uhhh, the university is very pretty.

Producer: Let me rephrase that. Have they ever been skiing in their lives?

Scriptwriter: Let me check. She went cross-country once, and he went snowshoeing. Wait, no, that got canceled.

Producer: Good enough. They are passionate about skiing and have been selected to represent their town in the Norway cross country race. But they get lost in a sudden storm!

Scriptwriter: Getting lost is on point. They do that a lot.

Producer (thinking out loud): They both wear lots of fabulous Norwegian sweaters obviously, but he also has a lumberjack parka while he manfully builds a charming and comfortable shelter. They will decorate it with holly and jingle bells as though they don’t have a care in the world, and she’ll have plenty of hot chocolate packets in her survival kit.

Scriptwriter: She really would!

Producer: Of course she would. We’re going for realism here. They’ll have a cozy fire, fluffy pine beds and comfy sleeping bags and pillows.

Scriptwriter: Won’t they have trouble finding dry wood let alone dry pine boughs? And where did the pillows come…

Producer: Never mind. The next morning, just after they build a snowman, a loveable St. Bernard will lead the rescuers to them. After they’re rescued, they are taken to a fabulous resort where their family, who have been very worried, have all flown out and they throw a spectacular surprise party in their honor!

Scriptwriter: Weren’t they just lost for one night?

Producer: Don’t confuse the plot with frivolous details. I think we have a winner here!

Anneli Byrd is an academic adviser in Weber State University’s General Studies and Exploratory advising.