I’ve hesitated to write about my wife’s recent accidents. I actually hesitate to mention my wife at all here. It seems that when I write anything about her in this space, it often results in unintended consequences.

I guess the reason I’m willing to take the chance of telling stories on my wife this time around is because I want Sanpeters to know that if they have problems or have had accidents, they’re not alone. Misery loves company. And at our house, we’re willing to be the company.

When I say that my wife has had recent accidents, I should say her most recent accidents. I’m not saying that she’s accident prone, but it is undeniable that she’s experienced some fairly regular, major incidents over the past decade or so.

Perhaps she is accident prone in the same way as Daniel Radcliffe, the Harry Potter actor. He has famously said, “I’m not clumsy, I’m just accident prone.” My wife says she’s changing her middle name to “Grace.”

Here’s a little history, not including everything, mind you, of Diane’s accident adventures. About ten years ago, within a few days of acquiring a horse, my wife spent the night in the hospital. The horse wanted to get back to the corral fast and Diane wanted to be the boss of the horse. The horse, named Lady, won the disagreement by putting Diane onto the ground. By the way, Lady is indeed female, but she was no lady.

After a pretty good convalescence time involving a walker and a lot of pain and healing, Diane recovered. She worked on civilizing Lady. They became better friends over a few years before Lady was passed along to “greener pastures” with a new owner in Wales.

The following spring, after the kerfuffle with the horse, my wife was leading a group of people on a trip to Scotland and London. Diane is a seasoned traveler. She’s been on many trips all over the world. All of her experience was no match for gravity though, when she tripped and went down on a London sidewalk.

It was Easter Sunday and Diane and the group were on their way to the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. It was the day before the scheduled end of the trip, so Diane just flew home with an untreated broken hand. That injury was pesky and required a long rehabilitation.

During that injury time, many people asked what happened to my wife when they noticed her injury. My standard reply became, “London Bridge is falling down, and so is Diane.”

In September of that year, 2013, had you seen Diane, you would have seen casts on both arms. If I were to give you just one sentence of explanation, that sentence would be: Diane got a new bicycle.

She loves to ride her pedal bikes – mountain and road bikes. She was a cyclist when I met her in college in the ’70s. She had yearned for a nice, new, skinny tire road bike for her longer rides out on the highway.

Immediately, within minutes, after getting her bicycle, she rode it to go vote in the primary elections being held at the time. She then pedaled toward my office to show me her new wheels. The next thing she knew, she was in a bloody heap after having an unsuccessful encounter with a curb break at a gas station.

We were immediately on our way to the emergency room at Sanpete Valley Hospital. Well, immediately after stopping quickly for me to cast my ballot. Diane insisted – civic duty before personal life and limb.

The X-rays confirmed what seemed to be evident – two dislocated and broken wrists. Black eyes and various scrapes and bruises were just side issues. I was invited to leave the room while they set the bones. Evidently that procedure resembles torture, even though the patient is sedated and pain-free.

Prior to surgery, a few days after the accident, Diane had no use of her hands. It was during that time that I got all of the practical procedures completed for my Certified Nurse’s Assistant license. It seemed like it anyway. Diane needed help with many of the things that one normally does for one’s self. That’s a long list of things.

I compared notes and commiserated back and forth with a friend whose husband broke his leg at about the same time as Diane’s accident. She remarked relative to giving bathing assistance, “There was a time much earlier in our marriage when this kind of activity might have been considered romantic – but not anymore.”

There have been other events, but let’s fast forward to the present time. A month ago, Diane was in Pittsburgh, PA attending a work-related conference. She was walking with a group of friends and somehow twisted her ankle and foot. She’s not sure how or why.

She invested in a walking cane and hobbled around for the rest of her time in Pittsburgh. Upon arrival home, X-rays revealed a fracture in her foot. She’s been in some pain and using a walking boot and using a kneel-down medical scooter.

Fast forward again to last Saturday. At an event at our church, circumstances combined, including the awkward walking boot, resulting in Diane taking a hard fall on the carpet of the chapel. She broke her fall with her left elbow, and her fall broke (crushed) the head of the radius bone in her arm. Off we went to the ER.

Diane’s recovery seems to be going quite well. Ice packs and pain relievers have been her friends.

I expect that before too long our health issues will settle down at our house. I know that we’re not the only ones who have aches and pains and accidents.

We all need to be ready for whatever life has in store for us next. In the meantime, be careful out there! Life is an accident waiting to happen for many of us!

— Merrill

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