If you’re totally ready for Christmas (and you should be), there is no need for you to read further. What follows is meant mainly for the ultimate Christmas procrastinator. I know that there are a few of you out there. This topic has urgency right now, as it’s just a matter of a precious few short days left before the big day.

I sometimes like to think that I’m unique in some categories. But I suspect that in the category of Christmas preparation “put’er offer,” I have some company.

I’ve discovered a helpful strategy or two over the years, which come in handy in “sneaking up in the outside lane” and “crossing the finish line” of Christmas morning. So as a public service, I’m going to share a secret or two here now.

Obviously, the biggest problem with the procrastination of Christmas preparation is the gift giving issue. Here’s my number one tip in this regard. Do not, I repeat, do not admit that you haven’t done any Christmas shopping whatsoever. This is particularly important for spouses or significant others to remember. And when I say spouse and significant other, I’m almost certainly talking to the guys.

So, guys – when your partner asks if you’ve done your Christmas shopping, the best course of action is to get a “twinkle in your eye” (hopefully, you can manage that – spend some time practicing in front of a mirror). Once your eye is twinkling, say, “Well dear, let’s just say that I hope I haven’t overdone it this year.”

This answer has a two-pronged effect on your partner: #1) It baffles them into actually wondering if you, for once, have actually planned ahead for Christmas; and #2) It makes them wonder if maybe they should go out and buy that shotgun you’ve been talking about.

The only other acceptable answer to the “have you done your shopping” question is, “Well – umm – due to the sensitive nature of the situation relating to your question, which you must realize is connected to family security issues, I’m sorry that I’m going to have to defer answering for the time being until I feel that adequate clearance is achieved by my people “on the ground.”

Of course, having set up the subterfuge and confusion is only “Part 1.” “Part 2” is the unavoidable fact that one actually has to shop and obtain a gift for giving. It’s important to be nonchalant at this point. Don’t show your true anxiety as you anguish over what the heck gift you’re going to find to be the “prepared gift giver.”

Don’t panic. This part really isn’t that hard. The answer? Two words: Newspaper Advertisements. Get a hold of the paper and scan the ads.

Merchants have stuff they want to sell. You want to buy stuff. What an ideal scenario. Now, as difficult as it may be, try to “be the person” that you’re buying for. Close your eyes, breathe in, and breathe out. Visualize. Be that person. Before long, you’ll see (after you’ve opened your eyes) advertisements for several items that will work for your needs.

Now, hurry and sneak out on some pretense. If you belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (that’s a mouthful), say that you’re going ministering (what used to be called home teaching). If you’re not LDS, say that some Mormon guy wants you to help move somebody’s food storage out of a basement into a U-Haul truck. That’s not out of the ordinary and it’ll buy you plenty of time.

If you need to go out of town for the shopping, say that you have to go to a junkyard to find a replacement widget arm for the maniform on one of your vehicles. (If you’re going to tell a story, you may as well make it good)

Don’t fiddle around too long at the store. Make the purchase of the gift quickly and have them gift wrap it. No fuss – no muss. Get the present into a hiding place in the house under the cover of darkness. Mission accomplished.

People love it when the gift they’ve been given has been well thought out and planned especially for them. If you use the methods described here, you’ll have done just that. Merry Christmas to you and yours! — Merrill

Newsletter