How often do you hear someone say, “That’s a pain in the butt?” In some newspapers, you might see that part of the anatomy termed differently in a column like this. And I don’t mean “pain in the rear.”

But this column attempts to have high standards of civility and restraint. As you know, that’s what I’m all about — civility and restraint.

Sometimes we say that someone or something gives us a headache or heartburn. “Pain in the neck” is a common expression we use. But, more often than not, we hear the “pain in the butt” type comment. I hear people saying it about people all the time. “He’s a real pain in the butt!” they’ll exclaim. To be gender fair and equal, “shes” are also pains in the butt. In fact — well, never mind.

I’m not sure where the expression started, but I’ve found multiple times in my life what it is to have a literal pain in the butt. I am kind of dealing with it lately. It’s annoying. It’s constant. And it does hurt. So, I’m assuming that constantly annoying, hurtful people are the proverbial “pains in the butt” from whence the expression perhaps originates.

I’ve heard of tailbone injuries before. Many of those stories are tales/tails from women who have had difficult childbirths. I also know of an incident involving a tree stump and tubing down a snowy slope which resulted in life long tailbone repercussions.

I thought recently that having painful falling episodes was going to be my new normal. I went kerplunk two months in a row. I fell down on Halloween in October by catching my toe on concrete near the courthouse. In November, I successfully went up and down a hundred sets of stairs in subway, tram and train stations in Switzerland and Germany. After all that success and feeling like I was “King of the Stairs,” I missed a step and klunked down like a sack of potatoes tossed off a truck.

I hurt my ego more than my butt, but still, it was a pain. I’ve been extra careful the past while being convinced that a once a month fall was my lot in life. But, thankfully, December went well and so far – so good in 2024.

A few years ago, there were times when I felt like Chevy Chase when I’d go down like a ton of bricks. Remember when Chevy would tumble down a stairway week after week on the TV show “Saturday Night Live” for comedic effect?

Chevy, during that time, was constantly doing pratfalls making fun of President Gerald Ford who had a reputation for accidents at that time. There’s just something funny about someone falling down – unless it’s you.

A memorable “pain in the butt” incident for me happened some years ago going down some icy steps.

I started slipping and did a frailing arms “whoop, whoop, whoop” motion (if you know what I mean) as I tried to maintain my footing. Then I found myself in a mighty slipping motion that launched me to a high altitude. From there I gathered enough gravitational force on the fall part of the “slip and fall” to strike the edge of a concrete step with a huge kerplop.

I registered about a 4.6 on the Richter Scale. Fortunately it was my butt and not my head that was the point of impact.

The pain wasn’t immediately bad. I popped right up to make sure no one had seen me take the fall. My pride was intact and I took a quick inventory of how I felt. There was no indication of broken bones – hurray! But the pain did get worse with time and I was grateful for hefty doses of of ibuprofen.

Metaphorically speaking, I wonder who considers me a pain in the butt. My family? My co-workers? My neighbors? Motorists on the highway?

I also pause to think of who are “pains in the butt” for me. My family? My co-workers? My neighbors? Motorists on the highway? My colonoscopy doctor?

I try not to consider people as “pains.” I try to understand that everyone is a person with problems and painful situations that they’re dealing with everyday. I try to remember that there are others who have “hit bottom” (pun intended) and are feeling the effects.

By the same token, I try not to be a “pain in the butt” to others. I don’t always succeed. I tell myself that trying is the key in all of this. People will often be tolerant if they sense that genuine efforts are being made to mitigate the “pain in the butt” syndrome.

Well, there’s more to be said on this subject; but I believe that I’ve come to an “end.” Hopefully, you will all be able to keep your eyes on the slippery steps in your life. That advice goes more for me than anyone.

I just hope that my aches and pains will subside, so I can concentrate more on the metaphorical pains in my butt rather than the literal one. — Merrill

P.S. Question: What does a banana peel on the sidewalk have to do with music? Answer: If you don’t C Sharp, you’ll B Flat.

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