I’ve been observing the presidential political process. I’m sure many of you have too. It’s in our face, like it or not. Though very unofficial, and premature, it looks like we may again have Joe and Donald as candidates for the Democratic and Republican parties.

I don’t really want to use this space for any attempt at giving my opinion on where I believe we are as a country in terms of leadership for the next presidential term. Some of you would share my opinion, some of you wouldn’t.

I believe it will suffice; if I just say, and it won’t be the first time, I think the time is ripe for Sanpete County to declare its independence.

We kind of like our isolated location here and most of us realize that we’re basically our own little world anyway. So why not make it official? Let’s secede from the United States.

We need to do this fast and not dilly-dally around with getting our secession completed. Why? We don’t want Texas to beat us to the punch.

Don’t think that I’m unprepared and half-cocked with this idea. I’ve done my research. For example, I’ve learned that Sanpete is pretty close to the same population as Liechtenstein, San Marino, and Monaco – all of which are successful independent nations in Europe. Heck, we have way more inhabitants than independent Vatican City. Geographically, we’re far and away bigger than any of those countries.

When first hearing of this proposal, some of you may look at me earnestly and ask, “Why?” – to which I knit my eyebrows in a scholarly fashion and respond, “Look – Why not?” (I’ve been watching the politicians on the TV news channels and I’ve noticed that they all start their responses to questions with the word “Look.” Then they ask some sort of dumb-bell question back at the original questioner.)

Here’s the deal. Sanpete has what other people want. We have wide-open spaces. We have places for people to keep their horses, cows, pigs, alpacas, llamas, dogs, cats and hamsters.

For people who don’t want to take the time to care for their own animals, there are wild ones that just come with the territory: deer, elk, raccoons, skunks, mountain lions and bear – depending on where in Sanpete you live.

People also want quaint and charming stuff. Sanpete is dripping with quaint and charming. The people are quaint and the landscape is charming. If you’re unfamiliar with the word “quaint,” don’t worry; I looked it up for you. It means “attractively unusual or old-fashioned.”

Okay, I’m not so sure about the “attractively” part for some of us, but we’ve got the “unusual” part down. As far as “old-fashioned” goes – well, we’re not quite “Amish” – but you can “see it from here.”

We have wonderful recreational opportunities here. Our mountains, lakes and streams are terrific places to enjoy life. Sanpete is a paradise for hunting, fishing, camping, hiking, and all things outdoors.

We’re geographically big with a small population. People like that concept. We need to capitalize on that.

So, what does all this have to do with seceding from the union? The first and most obvious answer is: Self-Determination with leaders who we know and pretty much trust. (As opposed to leaders that we pretty much know and don’t trust)

The second answer is the same answer that is the answer to so many questions that demand answers. The answer is: Money.

Imagine this: Passport control and immigration checkpoints on the main highways into the new country of Sanpete. Guest visas won’t be expensive, but there will be a cost. Immigration to Sanpete and gaining citizenship won’t be all that difficult, but there will be a cost. There will be a test to pass to obtain citizenship. It won’t be too hard, but there will be a cost.

People will be required to learn the locations of Mountainville, Shelleyville, Jerusalem and Freedom. There will be questions relative to debeaking turkeys and picking seed. These are all things that people who live here should know about.

The money derived from visitor visas and citizenship applications will be nothing though compared to what the real pay-off is from breaking away from the USA. Two words: Foreign Aid.

As an impoverished, foreign country surrounded by the United States, you can count on big bucks coming to us from Washington D.C. Uncle Sam certainly won’t want Sanpeters to become restless and unhappy.

I think we can count on millions coming into our new Sanpete economy annually. If push comes to shove, we’ll import uranium and announce a nuclear program. You’ll be amazed at how quickly the money will come in to buy us off of that idea.

We’ll put a nice, gold dome on top of the Sanpete Courthouse and it will be our new capitol building. Our commissioners will initially draw straws to see who becomes the first president of the new country. The other two commissioners will become secretary of state and ambassador to the United Nations.

We’ll mint our own money. Undoubtedly there will be controversy as to what image will be on the coins. But I’m sure a proud turkey will be featured prominently. Ben Franklin’s original idea of having a turkey be the national bird will finally be realized and implemented.

Well, you get the idea. There may be a few wrinkles to iron out. But that’s to be expected. Starting a new country is rarely a completely smooth process. But in our case, it will be relatively pain-free. As problems arise, we’ll just throw money at them. Think about it! — Merrill

P.S. If you want an interesting batch of reading, just Google “How to create a country.” I did. It was fascinating.

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