This time of year, there are many who like to make predictions about the future year. There are always people predicting what is in store for the world and, for that matter, the end of the world. There are always lots of political predictions as well.

In my research, I don’t see any relevant predictions for the end of the world in 2024. I see that there are two end-of-the world forecasts for 2026, so we’ve got a little time to relax on that matter, despite what you might hear from some zealots about that we’re all going to die this year. Like I say, the meteor isn’t due for another couple of years.

I believe that we deserve to have some “close to home” predictions, just for us in Sanpete. Some of these are variations of what I’ve predicted before. I’ve been thinking about it a little and who knows, the time may be right for some of this to happen. Once again, I’ve dusted off my crystal ball and here’s what I see for Sanpete in 2024.

1) With the recent announcement that Utah is likely to receive the 2034 Olympic Winter Games, Sanpete County also makes an announcement. Governor Spencer Cox and Senator Mitt Romney will designate Fairview Canyon as a venue for some of the games. The Cox and Romney families will build a world class resort with a gigantic hotel, ice rink and penguin habitat called “Snowy Sanpete.”

2) The county commissioners and county assessor will begin training for competing in the 4-man Olympic Bobsled event. Commissioner Hatch is heard to say, “If Jamaica can do it, so can Sanpete.” After a little research and hearing that the sleds go 90 mph and create 5 G’s of force, two of the future bobsledders drop out making it a 2-man team. (It might have been American bobsledder Evan Weinstock’s statement that tipped the decision: “It’s like the G forces are trying to suck you through the bottom of the bobsled. It forces our stomachs through our legs. It feels like you’re getting folded in half like a pancake.”)

3) Rumors again arise that there are militant extremists headquartered in the Greater Chester Metro Area. Alleged sightings are reported in downtown Moroni, but the individuals are identified as turkey farmers congregating at the gas station.

4) President Biden and former President Trump will agree to a debate at Snow College. Trump will arrive with his plane landing on the Indianola Highway 89 straightaway. He’ll stop at the hospital in Mt. Pleasant to give a speech about health care. Someone identified as a staunch Democrat offers a free tread-mill stress test to the former president. He declines the offer saying, “If there’s not golf involved, don’t ask me to take a walk. Stress and pressure are my life. If I were a piece of coal, I’d be a diamond by now.” President Biden lands on the straightaway south of Gunnison. He goes to the Gunnison Hospital and gives a speech on health care. Someone identified as a staunch Republican offers free colonoscopies to the president and his entourage. The offer is respectfully declined with the comment, “Thanks, but no thanks; we don’t need any more pains in that department at the moment.”

5) Jealous of the new state courts courthouse being built, the Sanpete County commissioners announce plans for a new high-rise skyscraper enlarging space at the county administration complex in Manti. The prospect of new, luxurious, county commission chambers on the sixteenth floor will be opposed by some calling it a modern day “Tower of Babel.”

6) Snow College announces that Kyle Whittingham, in an effort to uncomplicate his life, will leave the University of Utah to become an assistant football coach for the Badgers. Coach Whit, having changed his mind several times relative to what he wants to do with his life, is quoted as saying, “Being a Ute was a good gig and the money was pretty fair (about $6 million a year), but I’m honestly sick of the traffic lights in Salt Lake.”

7) : The Division of Wildlife Resources will sponsor a weekly barbeque at Pigeon Hollow Junction. Thousands from the Wasatch Front will attend and there will be plenty of food for everyone. Highway 89 will be uncharacteristically free of road kill. Children will be heard to say, “Daddy, daddy – this doesn’t taste like chicken.”

8) Gold, silver, and incredibly, diamonds will be discovered and mined in Sanpete. A Mercedes dealership will open in Chester, a Porsche dealership in Axtell, and a Subaru dealership in Spring City.

9) A Sanpete Lottery will be started up for purposes of funding the widening of Highway 89 to four lanes throughout the county. The first “scratch off” game cards will be called “Turkey Treasure’ and “Skyline Shekels.” A new gigantic convenience store will be located in Indianola and will sell more lottery tickets than Malad, Idaho.

10) The Sanpete Planning and Zoning/Building Inspector’s offices will offer special building permits allowing anyone to build anything anywhere. The fee for the special permit will be $50,000 each. Money generated will fund the new county skyscraper office complex.

11) The Sanpete turkey industry will skyrocket with the discovery that high turkey consumption lessens the risk of Alzheimer’s disease, hair loss, nasal congestion and the common cold.

12) Just when we’ve gotten used to the new arrangement of things at Walmart, (really, the cookies are by the dog food in the very back corner of the store?), the giant company announces regret over building too small of a store in Ephraim. They ask forgiveness of Sanpete’s residents. A plan for tripling the size of the store is unveiled. The new addition will include a roller coaster, petting zoo, massage therapy services, gun firing range, law office, palm reading, and psychic services.

13) And finally, Sanpete’s population will increase by several thousand people. Uncertain times will have people “heading for the hills.” Sanpete has good hills.

It will be interesting to see what the new year brings. regardless of what actually happens. Here’s to a safe, successful, healthy, happy, and prosperous 2024.

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