I think that there are annoying people in everyone’s life. It’s not the same people for everyone. You might not even notice the guy who eats with his mouth open who annoys me. The lady who clacks her dentures might be okay to me, but she might drive you bonkers.

I have several habits which I know are annoying to people. An example: when the calendar gets to the 25th of each month, like it does every month, I tend to say something that annoys people. Next week, I’ll be saying to people, “Guess what? Only six months until Christmas!” For some weird reason, that’s considered an awful thing to say and people groan.

With the heat that we’ve been experiencing, there are always some annoying comments from people. I think the top one is this question: “Is it hot enough for you?”

Some time ago, I researched some snappy comebacks for that overused, dumb question. It reminded me of Mad Magazine’s old feature “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.” Al Jaffee was the “Mad” guy who did that bit.

I used to be an occasional purchaser of Mad Magazine. I would get them at Merrill’s Drug Store in Richfield as a kid. I really wish I still had all those comic books and Mad Magazines that I bought back in those golden, olden days. They would be fun to look through and might be worth a little money. The magazine was founded in 1952, the same year I was “founded.”

A friend and reader gave me a year’s subscription to Mad some years ago after seeing it mentioned in this column. It was a fun blast from the past. That was before April of 2018 when the final regular issue was published.

The magazine had a long run, but it came to an end. Other magazines have ended as well. I grew up in a home with off and on subscriptions to Life, Look, The Saturday Evening Post, National Geographic, Good Housekeeping, The Reader’s Digest and who knows what else. Mom and Dad never subscribed to MAD. I’m not sure why. (kidding)

Anyway, let’s get back to using the snappy answer formula used in Mad Magazine. Here’s some of what I found as possibilities in specific categories for answers to the annoying “is it hot enough for you?” question:

“So, is it hot enough for you?”

(Delirium)

“Sure, I’ll have a banana!”

(Sarcasm)

“I seem to have lost the hearing in my left ear due to the heatstroke I’m experiencing. Could you please repeat yourself?” or,

“Are you nuts!? I’m freezing! Do you have a sweater I could borrow?”

(Misinterpret the question)

“Naw… plaid was never my thing.” or

“A touch heavy on the eye shadow, but not bad!”

(Denial)

“Why is everything around here my fault? I’m not running this business alone, you know!

(Religious)

“God is punishing us for our sins; we must repent!”

My answer to the question is, “Yes, it is hot enough for me, thanks for asking.” And it’s hot enough for other people I know as well.

We went to a live music performance at Jordan Landing in West Jordan last Thursday evening. Two guys I knew in high school were part of the band. The “sixties were good to them” and they’re still making music. “Slightly Bent” is the name of the band. They were rocking and rolling in the heat of the outdoor venue.

Something unexpected happened when there was about 30 minutes to go before the end of the concert, after lots of music, including the “Three Dog Night” songs and the Eric Clapton tune. My lead guitarist friend felt faint and laid right down on the floor, in between songs. Next thing we knew, “911” was called and an ambulance arrived and hauled him away.

We learned the next day that “extreme dehydration” was likely his main problem. So, it was hot enough for him, for sure. I know of one other near heat/dehydration collapse in the last few days.

It wasn’t me, but when I mowed the lawn on Saturday, I felt like one of those ready to eat, rotisserie chickens that you see for sale in grocery stores. I went through a lot of water, and vitamin drinks during the mowing.

When I see the temperatures reported in Phoenix, St. George, Las Vegas, Lake Havasu City and other places, I wonder how they endure it. But I remember that I already know how they do it. They go from air-conditioned house to air-conditioned car to an air-conditioned workplace, etc. etc.

As I’ve been sweating the past while in our heat, it does make me wonder a little if perhaps God is preparing some of us for a warmer next life. If hell is indeed hot, some of us might be getting good training.

When the weather was extra hot, I remember my dad often making his deadpan joke comment to people, “Well, it seems to be thawing today.” He liked to smile at his own jokes. (Just like I do)

I hope that everyone is keeping hydrated and slathering on the sunscreen. Enjoy the heat while you can. Go play in the water somewhere. Or get a lawn chair and sit in your garden. Sip lemonade while you watch your tomato plants grow.

I say enjoy it now, because you’ve got to remember; Christmas is just around the corner. — Merrill