Last Saturday, I drove “up north” and attended my granddaughter’s lacrosse game. It was fun. Ten-year-old Scout has embraced the sport.

She runs back and forth on the field with intensity. And, she scores. I get worn out just watching.

Some of you readers may not know that lacrosse is the oldest organized sport in North America. It dates back to the Native American peoples as far as 1100 AD.

Anyway, as interesting as lacrosse is, that’s not our subject today. As I was driving home away from the “land of traffic lights and traffic,” I listened to a political talk show on the radio.

When they went to a commercial break, I was a bit surprised. The advertisement was for “California Psychics.”

At first, I thought it was some sort of joke thing. Then I got the idea that it was a legitimate commercial. They made it sound like those of us who are living without the benefit of the assistance of a psychic are really missing out.

According to the ad, if you’re trying to be successful in your career, you need a psychic. If you want to find or improve a love relationship you need a psychic. Or, if you have any other kind of need in life, apparently using a psychic is the “what’s happening now” resource.

Forget counselors, psychologists, therapists, occupational advisors, church leaders, etc. Just get on the phone with a psychic and you’ll get all the help you need.

Do I sound sarcastic? I hope so. I also hope that I’m not offending too many Sanpeters when I say, “If you’re spending $1 a minute, or $2 a minute, or $4 a minute on the phone seriously seeking help with a psychic — then I think you need help. And not from a psychic.

I went on the website for California Psychics. Those per-minute prices are from these categories: $1 “Best for the curious”; $2 “Best for those with something specific on their mind”; $4 “Best for those with big questions.”

There are lots of businesses in the United States offering psychic services. My internet search source estimates 105,000 of them. I see neon lights in windows offering psychic services and tarot card readings, etc. once in a while, when I’m traveling outside of Sanpete.

So now, I’m suddenly wondering. Am I being too harsh? Am I dismissing the psychic world out of hand too quickly?

I’m thinking about some people I know who have used “water witches” for determining where to drill their water well. There are people in these parts who have the reputation of being able to use different versions of “divining rods” to find water. Is that science or an “otherworldly” connection? I don’t know.

So now, I’m having another thought here. I’m going in a different direction now. Stay with me. (This is getting scary now.)

Like I said, I’ve seen psychic businesses in other places, but not in Sanpete. I’m thinking maybe I should consider part-time job possibilities.

I think I have the qualifications in many ways. When I looked at the psychics website, I saw that at that moment there were 31 psychics who were busy and 41 who were available.

The description of “Nelli” was that she “Reads the emotions in your voice with compassion.” (I can do that) “Daisy” “Helps you savor the joys in life.” (I can do that) “Zahara” “Encourages spiritual awareness.” (I can do that too)

There might be a few things that some of these psychics claim

to do that might be troublesome for me. “Luciana” “Harmonizes your soul through purity of spirit.” (OK, actually, I think I could fake that one somehow.)

“Leah” “Understands complex situations with ease.” (I guess when it comes down to it, I pretend to be able to do that all that time.) “Cupid” “Helps you find the tools you already possess.” (All right. The next time I am attempting a little project at home, I need Cupid to come visit me in my garage. Maybe she’s good at finding all kinds of tools.)

It seems like being a psychic would be a pretty good job. I think you could pick your own hours. And, all you need is a phone and a credit card machine — and some well-placed advertising.

My guess is that it wouldn’t be long before I’d be hiring additional people to take calls along with me. I think there are kind, compassionate people in Sanpete who would be very good at the psychic thing.

We might not be able to cover everything that some of the big operations cover. I see that there are categories like past life, numerology, crystal readings, and astrology predictions.

And, I’d have to find someone special for the psychic medium department. These psychics specialize in not only connecting with people who have “passed over” — but also with pets.

OK, I know I’ve been pretty flippant here. Maybe cynical and skeptical. But I may have to get serious when perhaps there will come a time when I’ll need a “real” psychic. I might need to contact a dead ancestor to find a treasure.

Or maybe I’ll want to communicate with Sassy and Roxy, our deceased boxer dogs. I’d like to know why they wanted to run away from home so much. (I mean, it’s not like we didn’t feed them or love them)

But if I do start a psychic business, I know one thing that I would intend to do. I would have a very similar “guarantee” to what California Psychics has spelled out on their website. To their credit, I think it sounds pretty good and fair.

I’m just going to share with you the two main parts of their guarantee:

“California Psychics’ satisfaction guarantee, also called our “Life-Changing or Free” promise, allows you to receive a credit if you are dissatisfied with your reading.”

“While we do not guarantee that your readers’ predictions will come true, we do our best to ensure that you enjoy the readings.”

And that’s what I strive for here with the “Inside Sanpete” column. Admittedly, I only sometimes achieve enjoyment for my readers from their reading of the column. But, remember, the column is always free! — Merrill