It’s been a month since I revealed that one of my resolutions for this year was to give more authentic compliments to people. Just to report and to be accountable, let me tell you that I haven’t completely failed — yet. I’m still aware of the resolution. You’ve got to admit, that’s a big part of keeping resolutions.

As a result of that awareness, I have actually given some genuine compliments to people. But I am also aware that I could do much better. So, I’m digging in and hoping to improve. I need to find better categories for compliments other than what I seem to have found as a default.

I have found it easiest to compliment people on the clothes they are wearing. I do think people like their taste in clothing validated. So, these are “legit” compliments, but perhaps a bit shallow. “Hey, I really like those shoes. They look good on you.” Where did you get that sweater? It’s really nice.” “Wow, that jacket! You look like you’re ready for Hollywood.”

I looked up some funny compliments in Reader’s Digest. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to use them. “You’re adorkable.” “You’re so cute that puppies and kittens send pictures of you to each other.” “Work is better when you’re here. Mind you, I didn’t say it was great. Just better.”

Other long-term resolutions that I’ve revealed here some time ago are 1: Look for the good, and 2: Be slow to judge. These are ongoing goals and are going to be a work in progress for a long time.

I heard an elderly’ish woman (about my age) tell a little story last weekend that brought these concepts to mind again for me. She talked about going out to dinner with her husband last week.

When they were seated, this woman noticed what looked like a family sitting at the table next to them. The way they were dressed and their appearance was a turn-off for her. In short, she judged them.

When these “scruffy people” got up to leave, the dad came over and asked the woman’s husband if he had been a Marine or served in the military. (It wasn’t explained why he would ask that. Perhaps the guy was wearing a hat that indicated military service.)

The answer was, “Yes, I’m a Viet Nam vet.” The guy put a $20 bill on the table and said, “We’d like to buy dessert for you two tonight. Thank you for your service.”

The woman telling the story related how her attitude about her dining neighbors had changed very quickly. In fact, she regretted her judgment and cried.

Many years ago, I backed out of a parking space at the bowling alley in Ephraim and bumped into another vehicle. There was damage. I had the awful job of going into the bowling alley to attempt to find the dented vehicle’s owner.

I started asking people if they were the owners of a “such and so” vehicle. There were lots of people in The Cow Palace that night.

As I said, this was many years ago. Part of why I know that is because smoking was still allowed in public places at that time.

I scanned the bowling alley and spotted the biggest, meanest looking, cigar smoking dude in the place. Could he be the one I was looking for? I prayed he wasn’t the one. If he were the one, he looked like when he heard my news that he’d kill me for a nickel and give me three cents change.

Long story short, he was, in fact, the one. He owned the vehicle I’d klunked. Oh my! I was shaking in my boots as I looked into his face and explained the situation.

Long story short, again — he was a “pussycat.” He was as kind and understanding as Mother Teresa. “Color me surprised!” (and self-chastised for being so judgmental)

Beverly Landais, a life coach of sorts, has five “non-judgmental habits” that can enrich our relationships. Here they are with some partial information added:

 Be self-aware. What are the facts? Do I have the whole story? What assumptions am I making?

Maintain curiosity. Seek opportunities to meet people who are different from you.

Be compassionate. Treat others as you’d like to be treated in a similar situation. (“The Golden Rule”)

Practice acceptance. Decide to accept others as they are by respecting your differences. Their personal experiences, values, and beliefs are valid.

Demonstrate empathy. Remember our shared characteristics as human beings. We all have bodies, minds, emotions, and desires for happiness, health, friendship, love, etc.

Thanks for “listening in” — as I have preached to myself and tried to find motivation to “do better.” When you bump into me around Sanpete, feel free to share with me your progress with your resolutions. Just please try to refrain from making me feel guilty. — Merrill