So, what do I have in common with Simon? Well, it isn’t our respective financial conditions. He’s worth about $600 million. My net worth is, well… south of $600 million; like McMurdo Station south. Check your Antarctica geography if that location is unfamiliar to you.

We are both in our 60’s, but that’s not what I’m talking about. He’s 60 and I’m north of sixty; like Fairbanks, Alaska north of 60, if you know what I mean.

I could turn this into a long guessing game, but I need the space here otherwise. I’ll just tell you what we have in common. Simon and I both recently got new “E-Bikes” (electric bicycles). Furthermore, both Simon and I got injured in the early going of figuring out how to manage operating our fancy dancey bikes.

Simon, had worse luck than me. He klunked off his bike and broke his back in three places last weekend. He was trying the bike out in the courtyard of his Malibu, California home. His advice to his fans on Twitter about electric bikes, “…read the manual before you ride it for the first time.”

I wasn’t actually on my new 49-pound e-bike when I went down to destruction about a week before Simon did. I was straddling the bike, walking awkwardly forward through a scary area. I was trying to be safe. (Had I been serious about being safe, I would have taken my wife’s advice and not gone through the “scary area.”)

Long story short, I did my own klunking down. I’m still nursing bruised ribs, dinged shoulder, bruised foot, goose egg near my shin, and a big bruise to my ego. Riding a bike is serious business. And the selling of bicycles is big business. They’re very popular nationwide right now as people are looking for ways to get around and be socially distanced. Who would have thought? Motorhomes, travel trailers and pick-up trucks are in high demand as well.

Of course, bicycles have been popular for a long time. When “Ugh,” the inventor of the wheel, realized that a unicycle wasn’t all that easy to operate, he added another wheel. Voila! – the bicycle was born! High speed transportation technology had begun.

Immediately Ugh was the talk (grunt) of the caveman community. He, and his partner “Ughette” were always the first ones to arrive at the full moon bonfire dance parties. (There may be an alternate history of bikes, but I like my version.)

My history with bicycles began with an old hand-me-down, green bike with bad brakes. In order to stop, I had to slow down as best I could and then slam into a gap between the pickets in our yard picket fence. It worked. Then for Christmas I got a two-speed red Schwinn. Having two gears was wonderful.

A skinny tire 10 speed bike with curly handlebars came later. That may have been what I was riding here in Sanpete back in the 1980’s when I was delivering a birthday cake to a family several blocks away. Riding at twilight, with one hand on the handlebar and the other hand balancing a three-layer cake, I hit a pothole in the road. It was a major “klunk moment” which resulted in a destroyed cake and broken elbow.

Fast forward to present times. My immediate family members are all big fans of cycling. They are going on long, difficult rides constantly. One son was preparing for a cross country ride when the COVID-19 virus put the brakes on everything. This is the son who arranged for me and my wife to get the E-bikes.

Diane has been a road bike enthusiast for years. I’m the one now being steered, encouraged and gently pushed into the world of two wheels again. There are applications for smart phones that track and record bike rides (and walks, runs, activities of all kinds). I downloaded the one that my kids use – Strava. Now my family, and the world, can see what kind of bicycle monkey business I’m up to now.

I’m sure there will be more “clunks” in my future. I am wearing a helmet when I ride. It came in handy the second time I rode the new bike. It was no big deal. (No brain, no pain) I wear gloves and my kids made fun of me when I wore sandals. So, I changed my footwear choices. They’re all worried about my safety. My, how the tables are now turned.

This may be a good time for Sanpeters to dust off their bicycles. Drag them out and oil them up. It can be great family fun, and exercise is something most of us need.

Simon’s advice is good. I believe his message translates into: Be careful and know your limitations. His message, following his 6-hour surgery, ended with: “Stay safe everyone.”

I’m going to try. I think I owe it to Ugh’s bicycle legacy. …Merrill