Why so glum, Sugar Plum?

Kalani wants you to be happy.

You won.

If you’re still a bit blue about BYU football’s performance in its 2023 opener against Sam Houston, come inside Darnell’s head.

I can’t promise to make it all better but talking it out can help.

Always look on the bright side of life …

Cougar coach Kalani Sitake said he saw too many long faces in the locker room after his team’s less-than-impressive 14-0 victory against the Bearkats in front of a hopeful but ultimately confused home crowd at LaVell Edwards Stadium.

He should have looked up into the stands.

The build up to the 2023 season, which actually began nearly two years ago when it was announced the program was headed to the Big 12, was insane. Expectations and hype ruled fall camp.

And then … that.

Sitake had to work hard to cheer up his offense, which managed just two scores and 257 total yards, punted nine times (BYU fans wished it was ten because of a cursed fake punt) and committed most of the eight penalties assessed on the Cougars.

The corny jokes our elevator operator at LES told on the way up to the press box (“What did one competitive elevator say to the other competitive elevator? You’re going DOWN!”) were better than the Cougar offense on Saturday.

Jean’s Golden Girls, who danced to “Proud Mary” with the BYU Marching Band at halftime, covered more yardage on the field.

Fine, I’ll stop.

Ever since the end of spring ball I wondered how the Cougars would fare replacing so much firepower on offense: Puka Nacua, Jaren Hall, Christopher Brooks, Lopini Katoa, Blake Freeland, Harris LaChance, Clark Barrington. Four of those guys made NFL rosters, for goodness sakes. There was optimism that since BYU went out and got experienced players in the transfer portal to replace them, things would be golden. Sitake said he’s seen this same offense be explosive against the Cougars defense in practice and scrimmages.

Hard to see how that’s possible after Saturday’s face plant.

The defense — led by Jakob Robinson’s two interceptions — freshman running back LJ Martin and punter Ryan Rehkow saved the day and kept BYU in the win column. It could have been worse: Baylor lost to Texas State and Texas Tech lost to Wyoming.

Go, Big 12.

After the final whistle, officials released fireworks south of LaVell Edwards Stadium, though it hardly seemed like a fireworks-worthy victory, did it?

The good news is that this is just Game 1. The offense has a lot of ways it can improve and will be motivated to do so on Saturday against Southern Utah.

Some fans will rant and rave on social media, others will proclaim their never-wavering support for their beloved Cougars.

Should make for a an interesting week, hmm?

Perfectly Rational Overreaction

This will be a weekly exercise in restraint and optimism during BYU football season.

My first PRO is: The defense is the best the Cougars have put on the field since 2012.

Jay Hill’s new D was a huge success on Saturday. The tackling was sure and the numbers for Sam Houston (zero points, 185 total yards, 3.2 average yards per play) point to a dominating performance. It was BYU’s first shutout since 2014 so it’s easy to be encouraged by what we saw.

However …

Sam Houston might be the worst offense the Cougars face this season. BYU can’t expect to force zeros on the scoreboard the rest of the season against the likes of Arkansas (56 points in its opener), Kansas (48), Cincinnati (66), Oklahoma (73) … this list goes on. They are going to need some help from the offense.

My second PRO: This is the worst BYU offense since 2017.

Sam Houston’s defense was very quick to the ball, disruptive in the secondary and stout at the line of scrimmage against the Cougars, which was kind of expected. Give the Bearkats some credit. But BYU’s inability to counter that effort was disappointing. As my good friend and noted Bon Jovi hater Brandon Gurney pointed out, the 2017 offense was brand new and untested. The stuff that’s currently inside Aaron Roderick’s playbook will work if executed properly. So take hope in that.

A third PRO: Freshman LJ Martin should be RB1 going forward.

Newcomer Aidan Robbins looked pretty good on the opening scoring drive (three rushes, 17 yards) but had nowhere to run thereafter. Deion Smith was largely ineffective. Perhaps Martin was able to take advantage of a tiring Sam Houston defense but he was dynamic, finishing with 91 yards on 16 carries in the second half. I think the BYU coaches wanted to bring Martin along slowly but they may have to increase his workload earlier than expected.

Finally, PRO No. 4: The Kedon Slovis move was a massive failure.

Too soon, too soon. BYU’s new quarterback didn’t have two major weapons with injuries to Kody Epps and Keanu Hill and had a lot of new parts around him. His numbers (20 of 33, 145 yards) gave him a quarterback rating of 26.7, next-to-last among the 13 Big 12 signal callers who qualified with enough attempts this week. He did score the first two rushing touchdowns of his career. I think Slovis has the right mentality and the ability to have a successful season. He’s a veteran and dealing with setbacks should be in his wheelhouse. But he’s going to need a lot of help. Better run blocking, better work by his receivers to get open and better play calling for a start.

Did You Say Something?

Here’s another social media gem.

“My wife said, ‘you weren’t even listening, were you?'”

“I thought, ‘that’s a strange way to start a conversation.'”

A Big Get

Lost in the hoopla for BYU football was the biggest recruiting coup in Mark Pope’s coaching career.

Cougar men’s basketball fans, meet Marcus Adams Jr., a 6-foot-8 wing from California who is a four-star talent and a Top 50 player in the Class of 2023. Adams Jr. averaged 28.8 points per game for Narbonne High and reclassified from the Class of 2024, so he’s really young. He committed to BYU on Saturday after a visit to Provo earlier in the week.

Adams Jr. is a unicorn, the type of player that the Cougars have never had on their roster. BYU had two scholarship spots available after Ques Glover defected to Kansas State and it was so late in the summer it was doubtful Pope could get anyone who could make a difference.

There are some concerns. Adams Jr. originally signed with Kansas but left Lawrence after a short time to enter the transfer portal. He then signed with Gonzaga but last week entered the portal again. With that track record, you have to wonder if he’ll actually play for BYU. He’ll need a waiver from the NCAA to play immediately, and that blessed organization has repeatedly said it was going to stop granting waivers so frequently, starting now.

Pope should have a new nickname: “Dr. Strange,” because he’s the Sorcerer Supreme for pulling this off.

Stay tuned on this story. It could get interesting.

Still Undefeated

BYU women’s volleyball swept all three of its home matches last week to move to 6-0. The eighth-ranked Cougars will get a good test this week in a three-match tournament at Washington State, which is ranked No. 13. BYU is hitting just .263, which is a little low for the preseason, but it is holding opponents to .107, which is outstanding and largely thanks to new defensive wizard Kamaile Hiapo.

Women’s soccer upset No. 1 UCLA 3-1 on Thursday and routed Utah Valley 6-1 on Saturday. Top Drawer has Jennifer Rockwood’s Cougars at No. 3 in the polls and they will take on Utah in Salt Lake City next Saturday. BYU is so difficult to defend because it has so many dangerous scorers: Seven different players have found the back of the net so far.

Filling It Up

It was an amazing night in Lincoln last Wednesday. Those crazy Husker fans put 92,003 fans into Memorial Stadium for a Nebraska vs. Omaha volleyball match, a world record for a women’s sporting event.

Somebody asked me how many fans BYU could pull into LaVell Edwards Stadium for a soccer or volleyball match, and the best number I could come up with was 20,000, max. Do what Nebraska did and have a headliner concert afterward to boost attendance.

What do you say, Tom Holmoe?

That’s all for now, but for this: Congratulations to the 15 former BYU football players who made NFL rosters and to those who earned spots on practice rosters.

The dream lives on.

Keep reminding yourself how much you love college football and have a great week.