Have you looked around at the students at a high school event and thought, “boy, I’m glad I didn’t go through what they are going through”?

I have.

The teenage years are always rough. I know I still have some emotional scars from the thorns I encountered during high school, as we probably all do. I recall the impacts of bullying, comparison, trying to meet expectations, get accepted to college and prepare for a career.

But I did not deal with some of the profound challenges current high school students do now, like overcoming the disruption of a global pandemic, the constant pressure of a culture inundated with technology and social media, and the stress of national and international conflict permeating every-day life with hyper-sensitivity.

Is it any wonder that studies indicate mental health is a major concern for young people?

I spend a considerable amount of time around high school athletes, who have some major advantages.

They have a built-in support system with their teammates and coaches where they get daily, personal interaction. Sure, there are frictions, but they are part of their own community and that makes a big difference.

On the flip side, though, there can be added stresses as well.

The reality of winning and losing can become distorted, particularly if thousands or tens of thousands of dollars have been invested in an athlete’s performance. The strain of chasing college scholarships or competing year-round (sometimes with intensive travel included) can be mentally and physically exhausting.

With all that they are already dealing with, the last thing they need is for adults to add more with thoughtless, insensitive and destructive actions.

Last week in Utah, we saw two glaring examples of adults doing or not doing what was in the best interest of the athletes.

A state school board member publicly questioned the gender of an athlete, resulting in threats and other detrimental behavior, and at a high school basketball game allegations were made that students used racial slurs toward an opposing player while being unchecked by administrators.

Those certainly were reasons why Utah High School Activities Association assistant director Jeff Cluff released a statement on Friday re-emphasizing the importance to taking a stand against discrimination:

“The Utah High School Activities Association rejects discrimination in all forms, including bullying, taunting, harassment and invading the privacy of students. In recent days the Association has seen an unfortunate increase in these foul behaviors at sporting events. This week innocent students, playing sports, have suffered public bullying and harassment.

“Knowing that student activities are a significant educational force in the development of skills needed to become a contributing member of society, the UHSAA reaffirms that students are the focus and reason for the Association…”

“–UHSAA Mission Statement–

“There is no place in high school activities for bullying or harassment. The UHSAA is committed to stressing educational and cultural values, improving the participation experience in activities, promoting life skills and lessons involved in competitive activities, fostering sportsmanship and assisting those who oversee high school sports and activities in UHSAA member high schools. The Association will continue to ask all those who supervise, participate in and watch these sports and activities to stand together with the UHSAA and its member high schools in support of all students who participate and compete in high school activities.”

I’ve thought a lot about these events and discussed them with trusted colleagues, and I’ve come to one simple conclusion:

Is it too much to ask adults to be adults?

Why can’t we treat difficult situations with patience, understanding, maturity and wisdom? Isn’t part of growing up learning that finding solutions is much better than making knee-jerk reactions?

I think about the state school board member’s contemptible approach to a situation that had wide-reaching impacts to an individual, their family, their team, their school, their community and beyond.

Did the school board member even consider privately talking to the principal and the coach of the team in question, as well as other principals and coaches to get as much information as possible and find the best solution for those who are most impacted?

It certainly didn’t seem like it.

The situation at the high school game is different, but some of the same methods are certainly applicable.

If a school administrator or anyone else heard a student using inappropriate language, particularly when it comes slurs of any kind, immediate and decisive action to immediately address the language used in a private and constructive way seems to me to be by far the best course of action.

To be fair, I have sat on the front row in front of that particular student section at multiple events and never heard any slurs used — but that doesn’t mean someone didn’t make a mistake at the game in question.

I’ve also heard plenty of sounds get garbled in a crowd and so I know it is possible that no one actually said slurs but that someone heard them anyway.

I know the investigation into what happened is ongoing but in my experience it’s not always a simple “yes-it-was-said” or “no-it-wasn’t-said” as some seem to think it is.

I wish neither of these incidents had happened and that we weren’t talking about them right now. I’d much prefer talking about impressive performances or determined efforts than the reprehensible actions of a few.

But since they have come up, I hope we choose to see them constructively instead of getting mired in recriminations or arguing about details.

I urge all of us to strive to be better, but particularly those of us who are adults.

Yes, we will fail at times or let frustrations overrule our better judgment.

But our experience should teach us to take the higher road, to try to be better, to try to build.

We owe it to the rising generation to aid them as they tackle their challenges, not make them worse.

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