How many times a day do we ask the simple question, “How are you doing?”

More often than not, the answer we hear is a socially acceptable “fine,” and we go on with what we were doing.

But how often does a child responding to this question actually feel fine? How often does she actually feel anxious, upset, frustrated, depressed or lonely?

Talking about emotions and mental health can be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be. Especially with youth, openly addressing anxiety and depression and making sure that a child’s needs to feel safe, connected and confident are met is a skill that all parents and children’s trusted adults such as teachers, grandparents, ecclesiastical leaders and neighbors must have.

Step 1: Identify what your child is feeling and their emotional needs.

The first step is simply recognizing a child’s needs. Stress, sadness and other emotions are a normal aspect of a child’s life; they worry about school, friends and their appearance. While a certain amount of stress is normal and healthy, when a child starts worrying about their safety, it could be a sign that they need some extra help and support.

Recognize the aspects of the child’s environment and surroundings that are stressful and threatening, address these and try to minimize their negative impact on the child.

Step 2: Talk to your child. LISTEN to what they’re saying.

The next step is to have open communication with the child about how she is feeling. The best way to do this is by simply being honest, calm and supportive. Start simply by asking how she is doing and by continually showing interest and asking sincere questions. Oftentimes, it’s by asking just one more question that the child will feel more confident in herself and her ability to cope with her emotions as she addresses and confronts them.

Sometimes, kids don’t share their concerns and their emotions because they do not want to be an added burden in others’ lives. It’s something we all feel, but it’s also something that is false!

Step 3: Be empathetic and share your experiences.

When we see children who are struggling and hurting, we want to help them and support them in any way we can. To break this stigma and open up sincere communication channels, really empathize with the child. Share your own personal experiences, your successes and your failures (without moralizing or making a “lesson” out of them) so the child understands that you understand them and want to help just like you were helped.

Step 4: Personalize your approach.

Another thing to keep in mind: Not every child expresses their emotions in the same way. While talking might be exactly what one child needs, another might not feel comfortable speaking about their emotions.

Invite children and youth to express themselves in the way that is most comfortable to them. For some, this might mean that they draw or paint how they are feeling. For others, this might mean that they write down their feelings and struggles or even act it out.

Step 5: Keep it positive.

The most important aspect of speaking to children about mental health is that it is a positive experience. Emotions and feelings, especially those that are stigmatized and dramatized, are personal and unique to every child. What may be a petrifying experience for a child might seem trivial for you.

Ensure that children have a safe place where they know they are being heard and that their needs are important — no matter how big or small.

Step 6: Validate their emotions.

Lastly, be aware that all people and children have emotional needs that are genuine and legitimate. The world might tell kids to “pull themselves together,” “suck it up” and “grow up,” but you can choose to see children and their needs with empathy, kindness, support and understanding.

The point of being a kid is growing up; they should not be criticized and critiqued for going through that process.

There is no silver bullet for speaking with children about emotions and mental health. Each child is different in both her communication styles and her current emotional situation, but each child needs someone to support and listen to them.

By recognizing a child’s needs, creating a safe space for her to express her emotions and being empathetic and sincere, kids will better recognize the emotions they experience and will have the support they need to confront them.

As kids recognize these challenges and receive the help they need, they will develop skills and awareness that will help them build resiliency to emotions such as anxiety and depression so they have the tools to thrive both as children and throughout their lives.