“Being a startup founder requires us to do things that are near impossible in terms of any human’s capacity,” said Kristen Hamilton, an entrepreneur who has been in the startup business for over 20 years. 

As a startup founder myself, I’ve felt the same way. Being an entrepreneur requires a staggering amount of grit, and I’ve definitely been pushed to my limits. But through it all, I have been fortunate enough to know that if I lost all our money, my wife would still love me, and that has made all the difference on my hardest days. 

If you are an entrepreneur or are in a relationship with an entrepreneur, it can be easy to place your marriage to the side while you attend to more urgent matters. But there are ways to find a balance. Remember that hard doesn’t mean bad, make decisions together, commit to date night, think like a couple and set goals for your marriage together. With these mindset shifts and new habits, you can have success in both your business and marriage. 

Hard does not mean bad

My wife was recently on a panel with other spouses of entrepreneurs, where they discussed “the pitfalls, pleasures and possibility of being in a successful relationship with an entrepreneur.”

One of the topics that came up was the idea that hard does not mean bad. As Charlene Edmunds, partner of Entrata CEO Adam Edmunds pointed out, relationships are always hard, but you get to choose: Do I want to experience hardship in stagnation or in progress? Working on a marriage can be difficult, but building and rebuilding a relationship you love is worth the hard work.

When conflicts do come up, remembering that hard doesn’t mean bad helps keep things in context. We can focus on resolving the argument and then watch our favorite show together, with no hard feelings festering. We’re not upset because something about our marriage was hard; we realize that’s just part of the experience, and we can move on and enjoy the happy parts. 

Make decisions together

Most of the time, keeping work at work and home at home is excellent advice. But for entrepreneurs, our business decisions will sometimes affect our family. In these cases, I’ve found that taking these decisions home may be the best way to prioritize your marriage.

“Take your spouse’s opinion when making important decisions about your business, particularly those that might impact home and family life,” said Malini Bhatia, founder and CEO of Marriage.com. “Decisions such as making a big investment or expanding to another region might affect the current balance of work-family life or change your current financial situation.”

Commit to date night (or morning or afternoon)

For a relationship to survive, it needs dedicated one-on-one time. As an entrepreneur, with your cell phone always buzzing and deadlines looming, being able to show up to a regular date night may seem unlikely.

“Life can feel so incredibly busy that the thought of finding time for yet one more obligation feels overwhelming,” said Drs. John and Julie Gottman. “However, a date night is more than an obligation. It’s a commitment to your relationship. It helps to carve out a specific and regular time each week and make this ‘appointment’ a priority.”

Put it on your calendar, and commit to be there just as you would with an important business meeting. Even if it’s just for an hour, I’ve found that that dedicated, undistracted time together can keep the joy alive in your relationship.

“Date nights should be sacred times to honor your relationship,” the Gottmans said. “Think of them as such.”

Think like a couple

When you’re in “boss” mode all day, it can take effort to switch back to “spouse” mode. You’ve spent hours making decisions that fall squarely on your shoulders, giving feedback that only you can give and generally being laser-focused on productivity. When you get home, it’s time to focus on the most important partnership in your life: your marriage. A good place to start is our language choices.

“Watch your terminology,” said Rachael Pace at YFS Magazine. “Research suggests that couples who think and speak in terms of ‘we’ (‘We love that restaurant!’) display more positive emotions and report higher levels of marital satisfaction than couples who use the term ‘I,’ as in ‘I love that restaurant!'”

Set goals for your marriage together

Entrepreneurs live and breathe goals, targets and KPIs. You know how to create a healthy company culture and work intentionally as a team to meet milestones. My advice: Take all the goal-setting skills you’ve developed and apply them to your marriage! 

“Many people have this misconception that once they get married, they will live happily ever after – on autopilot,” said Randy Skilton, a relationships educator. “Love brings you together, but conscious, continuous effort makes your marriage a success. This is where marriage goals come in.”

Start a running conversation about financial goals, relationship goals and family health goals. Then, be intentional about meeting those goals together. In my experience, shared goals bring you closer together the way few other things can.

To keep your marriage and entrepreneurial pursuits in a healthy balance, remember that hard doesn’t mean bad, make decisions with your spouse, commit to date night, think like a couple and set goals for your relationship together. These mindset shifts and habits can help you have success in both your business and your relationship.

Peter Ord is the founder of GuideCX, a client implementation and onboarding project platform based in Draper, Utah.

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